Learning How To Bend
by purplepagoda
Summary: Too many drinks. Drunken stupidity, between two co-workers, two partners. A pregnancy. Total chaos to deal with. Can Maura convince Jane to do the right thing, when it's her partner's baby she's carrying? Or will everything fall apart?
1. Not Invincible

Maura was finishing with her autopsy when Jane came in. She was clearly irritated. She was violently stirring her coffee. Maura ignores her presence. She finishes what she's doing, and returns the body to cold storage. Jane stands next to the desk, waiting on her. Maura discards her gown, and cap into a biohazard bin. She slide onto a stool next to where Jane is standing. Jane's foot taps the concreted floor relentlessly.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be ok?" Jane answers quickly.

"You just seem upset."

"No, why would you think that?"

"You're fidgeting, and earlier I thought that you were going to cause a tidal wave in your coffee."

"Sorry."

"Do we have a case?"

"I can't just come visit?"

"You can, it is getting close to lunchtime."

"I'm not hungry."

"Jane Rizzoli, not hungry? There's got to be a problem."

Jane tosses her cup into a trash can, avoiding Maura's question.

"Jane spill. What's bothering you."

"Nothing. I just don't feel very good."

"So go home."

"I can't."

"Afraid to admit defeat?"

"No."

"You don't need to make us all sick."

"I..."

"Jane you are tightly wound today, what is going on?"

"I feel sick, that's all."

"Go home and get some rest."

"I tried."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Fix me. You're a doctor."

"A pathologist," Maura reminds her.

"Can't you..."

"You don't look sick. Jane please tell me what's really going on."

"I think that I have the flu."

"Ok, Barry Frost," Maura comments.

"I'm serious," Jane whines.

"Why do you think that you have the flu?"

"I just feel sick."

"Muscle aches?"

"No."

"Fatigue."

"Yes."

"Fever?"

"No."

"Jane you're probably just tired, go home and take a nap. Drink some tea. Relax, and you'll feel as good as new."

"I don't think it's going to work. I feel nauseous."

"You think you have the stomach flu?"

"I hope that's what it is," Jane comments under her breath, hoping that Maura doesn't hear her.

Maura does hear her comment. She steps away from Jane without a word. She wanders over to a cabinet, and pulls out a couple of things. When Jane looks up she finds Maura holding a needle.

"What are you doing?"

Maura doesn't respond. She simply ties a band around Jane's arm. A vein pops up, and without any warning she pops the needle into it. Jane looks at her furiously. Maura collects a vial of blood, and places a 4x4 on the insertion site. After applying gentle pressure for a moment she slaps a bandage over the 4x4. Jane stares at her in shock. Maura tosses the gloves in the trash, and the needle into the sharps container.

"Is there a reason that you just attacked me like a vampire?"

Maura scrawls on the outside of the tube.

"Is there a reason that you think you don't have the flu?" Maura counters.

"You heard that?"

"I'm going to drop this off to the lab."

"Did..."

"I labeled it Jane Doe, with a bogus case number," she responds.

Jane follows her down the hall. At the end of the journey Maura drops the blood off to the lab, and then they head to the elevator. The doors close behind them.

"Jane..."

"Huh?"

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"Have you suspected that you might be pregnant?"

"I never said that I did."

"You didn't have to."

"A couple of weeks," Jane admits.

"You haven't taken a test?"

"No. I'm not ready to deal with reality."

"Which is?"

"If I am, my life is going to become a hell of a lot more complicated."

"You'll be fine."

"You don't understand."

"So explain it."

"If I am, and if I decide to... well then... I'm screwed."

"Why? Are you afraid to do it on your own?"

"No."

"So why do you look so terrified."

"Maura I made a really, really, big mistake."

"It can't be that bad."

"Yes it can."

"I'm sure that it's not as bad as you think."

"No, it's worse.""How?"

"I had a few too many drinks..."

"We've all been there."

"No, we haven't."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't believe that I could have been so stupid. What was I thinking? I wasn't. This is going to be a mess."

"Jane calm down, what happened?"

"You don't know who I slept with."

"So tell me. Wait, do you know?"

"Yeah, unfortunately."

"Who?"

"Maybe I shouldn't tell you."


	2. Baby Daddy

"I'm not going to tell anyone."

"I'm not worried that you will."

"What are you worried about?"

"What you're going to say."

"I'm not going to say anything. Just tell me. Do I know him?"

"Yep."

"Who?"

"My partner," she answers.

"Korsak?" Maura raises an eyebrow.

"Eww, no."

Maura's eyes meet hers, "So..."

"My current partner," she nearly whispers.

"Your current partner? As in Barry Frost?"

Jane simply nods.

"Oh Jane."

"I know."

They exit the elevator. Jane follows behind Maura.

"Where are we going?" Jane questions.

"I'm starving, so I'm going to go have lunch," Maura replies.

"Oh."

"Are you coming with me?"

"Yeah," Jane agrees.

Twenty minutes later they waitress places plates of food in front of their faces. Maura doesn't hesitate. Jane just stares at her food. After swallowing Maura begins to speak.

"You haven't said much," Maura points out.

"I know."

"Maybe..."

"I don't need a blood test..."

"You're that sure?"

"Uh huh," Jane nods.

"Maybe..."

"Maura I'm sure. There are few things in my life that are always consistent, this was one of them."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I was thinking that I'd just shoot myself," Jane answers.

"That's not an option."

"Why not? It would be quicker, and less painful."

"We all do things that we regret."

"Maura I don't want to do this."

"So don't. No one said that you had to."

"I know, but..."

"But what?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"You're going to figure this out."

"How did I let this happen? How could I have such poor judgment?"

"I'll agree that it wasn't a good idea to end up..."

"Having sex..." Jane trails off.

"With your partner," Maura finishes.

"I know."

"But," Maura interjects, "He's not a bad guy."

"He's so young."

"Not that young."

"He just seems so young."

"So it would be ok if he were older?"

"No it would never be ok. This was a huge mistake. I just don't know how I could have been so careless."

"Does Frost remember?"

"I don't know. I haven't said anything to him about that night."

"How did you end up..."

Jane cuts her off as she looks around the room, "I don't really know. I had a long week, and so I went to the bar. I had too much to drink, and when I was leaving Frost insisted on making sure that I got home safely."

"How much did he drink?"

"I don't know he was there before I was. He drank more than I've seen him drink before."

"I can't really imagine Frost drinking at all."

"I know."

"So you're not going to tell him?"

"Why would I tell him? He doesn't have to know. No one has to know."

"No one?"

"I'm not going to tell anyone."

"You told me."

"That's different. You can keep a secret."

"So then I to assume that I will not be making a trip to babies r us in the near future?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't have time for all of that."

"All of that? I know that you're a homicide detective, and that you're busy, but there is always time for that."

"How? I'm at work all the time. I don't have anyone to help me. I'd never see it."

The following day Maura is doing an autopsy when Jane and Frost join her. They watch closely, neither of them saying a word. Frost stands a few feet from the table trying to control his stomach. As Maura removes the intestines Jane suddenly feels nauseous. She tries to ignore it, to will it away. Maura's eyes barely meet hers. Maura returns her focus to the intestines, but uses her index finger to silently point to the sink. Jane doesn't say a word. She holds on to the sides of the table, hoping that it will pass. It doesn't, and she quickly backs away from the table. She barely makes it to the sink.

Silently Frost crosses the room. Jane rinses the sink out. Without a single word Frost hands Jane a bottle of mouthwash. She looks up at him as she stands close to the sink. She takes it from him. "I can always count on you to have my back," Jane comments.

"I am your partner," he points out.

"Good thing too, no one else carries mouthwash in their pocket."

"You know my reasons."

"Some of the other detectives should carry some, for a different reason," Jane adds.

"I'm going to head back up," Frost reveals.

"I'll be up in a few," Jane agrees.

Frost leaves the room. Jane sits at Maura's desk waiting for her to finish. About twenty minutes later Maura finishes. She dumps her protective clothing, and returns the body to cold storage. She walks over to Jane, and takes a seat. She pulls out a folder, and hands it to Jane.

"This is for you," Maura reveals as she hands the file to Jane.

Jane reluctantly takes it from her hand. She places it on top of the stainless steel counter. She flips it open. There is a single piece of paper inside. She reads it to herself, and then closes the file, and hands it back to Maura. Without a word Maura takes the document out of the folder, and places it in the shredder. Then she directs her attention to Jane. Jane stares back blankly.

Tears begin forming, and Jane tries her hardest to keep them from falling. "I'm pregnant," she whispers in disbelief.


	3. Bun In The Oven

She sits at her desk jiggling her leg, and chewing on her nails. A cup of coffee sits in front of her, untouched. Frost enters the room, and takes a seat at his desk. He attempts to do some work on his computer. Distracted, he stares at Jane, hoping she'll stop. Finally she notices him staring at her.

"What?"

"Could you please stop? I'm trying to work."

"Sorry," she apologizes.

"Is something on your mind?"

"No."

"So why are you acting like that?"

"Like what?"

"Nervous? You don't usually bite your nails," he points out.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You sure?"

"Um..."

"Yes or no."

"No."

Later that night Jane has just finished in the shower when someone knocks at her door. She tosses the towel she's using to dry her hair with aside, and heads out of the bathroom. She stops at the door, and looks through the peephole. She unlatches the door, and allows the visitor to step in. Maura heads directly to the couch.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was just coming to see how you're doing."

"I'm fine."

"You seemed a little upset earlier."

"I'm fine."

"You shouldn't lie," Maura warns.

"I'm not. I'm fine. I'm pregnant, not dying."

"Do you want to..."

"No I don't want to talk about it. I just want it to go away."

"I know that this statement isn't going to help, so if you don't want me to say it I won't but..."

"Go ahead," Jane rolls her eyes.

"A child with you and Frost as parents would have very nice features."

"You're saying that it would be cute?"

"Yes."

"Why can't you just say that?"

"I just did."

"Not like a normal person would."

"Sorry."

"Besides that is not the issue. It doesn't matter if it's cute, that has no bearing on the situation."

"Right," Maura nods.

"I can't have a baby. I don't know what to do with them."

"It won't be a baby forever."

"Not to mention it's with Frost."

"We've discussed this."

"I'm not having a baby with anyone right now."

"Ok."

"But I am tired so..."

"I'll go," Maura heads to the door.

The following day Jane goes over to her parents house for dinner. When she arrives she finds her mother in the kitchen.

"Is it just the two of us?"

"Your dad got called out on a job. And... it's just the two of us. You hungry?"

"No," she answers too quickly, without thinking.

"Are you sick?"

"No I'm fine," she lies trying to ignore all the aromas in the kitchen.

Angela steps away from the stove and looks at Jane.

"Ma what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Ma... why are you staring at me?"

Angela says nothing. Jane goes over to the sink and gets a drink of water. Finally Angela breaks the silence.

"Are you pregnant?"

Jane begins choking. She sits the glass down, and turns to face her mother. Finally when she stops choking she answers, "Are you crazy?"

"Don't answer my question with a question. It's rude."

"What do you want me to say?"

"A simple yes or no would be nice."

"No ma, I'm not. Don't be ridiculous."

Angela's eyes lock on Jane's face. Jane thinks about looking away, but knows that it will give her away.

"You're lying," she accuses.

"Why would I lie to you?"

"Because you don't want me to know."

"Why wouldn't I want you to know?"

"Because you went to some sperm bank or something."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know," Angela shrugs.

"I don't want a kid."

"So? Are you pregnant, or not?"

"I just told you that I'm not."

"And I know you're lying. So why don't you tell me why you're lying?"

"I'm not lying."

"You're lying through your teeth. I can't believe this. I raised a liar. Why wouldn't you want me to know? I'm not going to yell at you. You're an adult you can do whatever you want. Besides I wouldn't mind having a grandchild. Unless," Angela stops mid-rant.

"Unless what?"

"You don't want me to know because you don't want to have it."

"Have it? There's no baby. I'm not pregnant."

"You're lying. You don't want it. You're not going to have it? Janey you should..."

"I should what?"

"I think you should go."

"Go? Why? What did I do?"

"I can't believe that you'd even think about doing that."

"Doing what?"

"What you're planning on doing."

"What do you think I'm planning on doing?"

"Having an abortion."

"Ma..."

"Jane don't lie to me."

"I..."

"I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise. I wish that I could, but I know I can't. It's your decision, no matter how wrong it its. Would you just tell me the truth?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Why don't you want it?"

"I thought you just said..."

"I just want to know why?"

"I don't want a baby. I've worked so hard to get where I am that I don't want to have to sacrifice it all. I know that it's selfish but..."

"Why else? There has to be more to it than that."

"Kids should have two parents."

"You don't know who the father is?"

"I know who the father is."

"So what's the problem?"

"I'm not going to make him do anything. It was an accident. It was a mistake."

"Who is it?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"I know him?"

"Mom!" She shrieks.


	4. Conversations

"Jane we're going to have this discussion whether you want to or not."

"No we're not," she disagrees.

"Jane you're being unreasonable."

"I can't talk to you about this."

"Why not? You're afraid that I might be right?"

"No."

"So why not?"

"You're my mother."

"Jane..."

"What do you want me to say? I screwed up? I had a one night stand and now I'm knocked up? Is that what you want to hear? I made a huge mistake. I crossed a line..."

"With who?"

"I don't want to tell you."

"Fine."

"I think I should go."

"Ok," Angela agrees.

She calls Maura on her way home. Maura is waiting on her when she arrives home. She follows Jane into the apartment.

"How did I let this happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"How did I let everything get so out of hand?"

"What happened? I couldn't understand you over the phone."

"My mother knows that I'm pregnant."

"How?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"What did she say?"

"Does it matter?"

"Obviously something she said has you upset."

"I just..."

"This is your decision, and no one else's. No one else's opinion matters."

"Do you really believe that?"

Maura looks away for a moment.

"Maura..."

"I believe in a woman's right to choose."

"But? You think that I'm making a mistake?"

"I didn't say that. Do you think that?"

"No. I don't want a child."

"Ok."

"What do you think?"

"I know that you're not going to want to hear this but..." Maura hesitates.

"But what?"

"I think that you should tell him. He should know."

"What if he doesn't want me to do it?"

"You think that's how he'll feel?""No, but what if he doesn't?"

"It's still your choice."

"So I'm the bad guy? If he wants it, and I do it anyway. And if he wants it and I cave then I spend the rest of my life with a kid that I don't want."

"Jane just tell him. I'm not asking you to change your mind, or consider his opinion. I just think that he should know."

"Why?"

"If the situation were reversed wouldn't you want to know?"

"I don't know. I can't speak for him."

"You would."

"Fine I'll tell him."

"You're really going to tell him?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Ok."

"Not right now."

"I should go."

The following morning before work Jane calls Frost. He meets her a few minutes early. She sits in front of the station in her car. He climbs into the seat next to her.

"Why did you want to talk to me in your car?"

"The doors lock," she answers.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means that it can remain a private conversation. There isn't much of that around here."

"Oh."

"I'm telling you this... just because I feel obligated to. I want you to know that your opinion isn't going to affect this decision much."

"What are you talking about?" he questions.

She looks out her window, and takes a deep breath. She turns and looks at him with tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"I'm pregnant I just thought that you should know."

"Oh."

"You don't..."

"I remember."

"It's yours," she clarifies.

"Yeah I got that," he nods.

"You don't have to say anything, or do anything. I don't want anything. Now isn't the right time. I don't want to have a baby. I'm not going to have a baby. I'm not going to keep it."

"Aren't you..."

"Yes I'm catholic but..."

"So you're not having it?"

"Right," she nods.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I've made my decision."

"So why did you tell me?" Frost questions.

"I thought you would want to know."

"I..." he pauses.

"You don't have to say anything," she assures him.

"I want to say something."

"Ok."

"It's your choice."

She cuts him off, "Good."

"I'm not finished."

"Sorry," she apologizes.

"If I got a choice this isn't what I'd choose."

"What do you mean?"

"We did something stupid, this is the consequence but..."

"But what?"

"I wish that you'd have it."

"You what?" she chokes on her saliva.

"I guess I'm just someone who believes that things happen for a reason. Life doesn't always go according to our plan."

"You're saying you want it? Do you know how complicated..."

He cuts her off, "It's your choice."

"You want to..."

"If you decided differently I'd be there."

"Oh."

"We're going to be late," he points out.


	5. Thinking Of You

"Jane?"

Jane looks up at Maura. "Sorry," she apologizes, "What were you saying?" She stares at a body on the table.

"Why are you so distracted?"

"You know why."

"I thought you had decided what to do."

"I told Frost."

"How did he take it? Did he freak out?"

"He was surprisingly calm."

"What did he say?"

"Not what I expected. He told me that he remembered and..."

"And what?" Maura questions.

"That he respects my decision but he wishes that it wasn't the one I was making."

"He wants you to keep it? He asked you to keep it?"

"No. He didn't ask. He just said if he had a choice he would choose differently."

"So does that change your decision?"

"No I've made up my mind."

Later that night Jane is on her way to her car.

"Wait up," Frost calls after her.

"What? I'm getting ready to head home."

"Can we finish our conversation?"

"Ok," she agrees as she opens the door to the car. She takes a seat. He opens the door and slides into the passenger's side.

"I can't get you to change your mind?"

"No. There is no way we could make this work. Even if we could... I don't want a baby."

"Ok but..."

"What?"

"I understand if you don't want to be a parent but..."

"You do?"

"If you had the baby and didn't want to be involved that would be ok."

"What? What are you saying?"

"I'd do it on my own. I'd raise it on my own. You'd never have to have to see it, or do anything."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I don't know? Why wouldn't you?"

"I just can't."

"Can't or won't? Look I understand how hard you've worked but... I guess... I'm going to go. I don't want to say something I can't take back."

"Just say it."

"Do what you want, but if you do this... I can't be your partner anymore. I know it's your choice, but I don't think that I'll ever be able to forgive you. I don't think that I'll ever be able to look at you the same. I'm sorry," he leaves the car.

She sits in her car, unable to move. She stares at the steering wheel through her tears. She sits in silence. After several moments someone taps on her window. She jumps. She looks up and finds Maura. She unlocks the door, and Maura slides in next to her.

"Why are you crying?"

"I don't know what to do. I've ruined every partnership I've ever had. I thought that...but I've found a way to ruin this one too."

"What happened?"

"He doesn't want to be my partner anymore."

"I'm sure he didn't say that."

"He said that he couldn't be my partner, because if I went through with this he'd never be able to forgive me."

"Jane you can't be guilted into this. That's not a justifiable reason."

"He told me that if I had the baby, and still didn't want it that he'd raise it on his own. He said he wouldn't ask me for anything. What am I going to do?"

"Whatever _you_ want to do."

"Why would he want me to have it? He's a young, single, good looking, guy. Why would he want to be saddled with a kid?"

"I don't know."

"What did I do? Why am I being punished?"

Maura doesn't say anything.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

"I don't want to say the wrong thing."

"Just say whatever you have to say, everyone else has."

"Maybe this isn't a punishment. Maybe it's test."

"A test? This is not a test."

"Ok."

"What do you think? What do you really think? I don't want your support, I want your opinion."

"My opinion doesn't matter. I've never been in this situation."

"Ok, but I am asking for your opinion."

"I can see why you wouldn't want to do this. You've worked very hard for your career. You shouldn't have to sacrifice it for one mistake."

"But?"

"You shouldn't make a decision that big based on one thing. You have to think about other things. How are you going to feel about what you've decided in five, or ten years? What if you decide later that you want a child, but you can't have one?"

"Since when have you been a fan of what if?"

"I'm not but... I think that you need to think about this more. That's all. Just spend some more time thinking about it. If you still want to do it, then do it."

"I hate when you're right."

"I know. If you go through with this you can't take it back."

"I know."

"Jane stop thinking about everything else, don't worry about your job, or what everyone else wants. Just think about what you want."

"I should get home."

"Ok," Maura agrees.


	6. One Thing

She walks into autopsy, she finds Maura washing her hands. Maura grabs a paper towel, and dries he hands. She shoots Jane a look.

"Jane," she begins.

"Yes, Maura?"

"I think that you need to slow down," Maura insists.

"Slow down? Maura what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I am talking about."

"No I don't. I am just doing my job."

"You get up at four o'clock in the morning, so you can spend two hours at the gym, every morning."

"I'm usually up anyway."

"Then you usually work at least twelve hours a day."

"Maura I am fine. Why are you suddenly so concerned? I am used to this."

"Jane, don't make me say it."

"Say what?"

"Pretending like nothing is happening, will not make it so."

"Maura, my life cannot come to a screeching halt, because one thing has changed."

"One thing? Everything has changed. You have a different partner."

"I don't want to get into this with you."

"Someone has to get into this with you."

"Why? I am fine. Why do you refuse to believe that?"

"Because you're not fine. You look exhausted all the time. You refuse to talk to Frost. You rarely return your mother's calls. You won't let anyone know what's going on, but me."

"So?" Jane's eyebrows arch.

"It's time to get over yourself. Jane, it's been three months."

"I need time to deal with this, on my own."

"You aren't dealing with it. You are in denial."

"Just let me deal with this in my own way, ok?"

"No."

"No?"

"Jane you're worrying me," Maura reveals.

"Worrying you? I am just being myself. I don't know why that would worry you."

"Because I know you. You have a tendency to take things too far. You shut people out. You get frustrated, and you explode. You cannot afford to do that, this time."

"Please, just stop."

"Stop trying to kill yourself."

"I am not trying to kill myself. I am just trying to be in the best shape that I can be in."

"You are not going to be over there," she points to the autopsy slab, "on my table, if you don't slow down. You need to get some rest."

"I can sleep when I'm dead," Jane retorts.

"You are going to wish that you had listened to me."

"Really?"

"When you are up at two in the morning, dealing with a screaming baby, on your own, because you refuse to let anyone help you, then you will wish that you had listened," rambles.

"I told you not to say that."

"Say what?"

"You know what."

"Oh, I must have forgotten, it was on the list of words that I am not supposed to mention, that you printed off for me."

"I gave it to your for a reason."

"When was the last time you talked to your mother?"

"The other day," she lies.

"Did you tell her?"

"Tell her what? There is nothing to tell."

"That you're pregnant."

"I never told her that I wasn't."

"You did," Maura corrects.

"I never told her that anything changed."

"No, but she assumed that it did. So did Frost."

"It's better this way."

"Better how?"

"Because I have made up my mind," Jane announces.

"About what? Last time I talked to you, you were considering dropping it off to the dog pound, or something along those lines."

"I said the humane society."

"The difference?"

"I don't want this. I did not ask for this. I don't want to do this."

"Then why are you?"

"I'm not. I am not going to do this. I don't want a baby. I'm not ready for this."

"It's a little late to decide that now, don't you think?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I am just going to suffer through these next few months."

"And then what?" Maura wonders.

"And then I will have the baby, and come back to work."

"There are so many flaws in that plan, but go ahead."

"I'm not keeping the baby."

"I will believe that, when I see it."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I doubt that you can give birth, and not become attached."

"I never said that I wouldn't."

"You are not going to be able to give the baby up."

"Maura this isn't your decision. I don't want your opinion, I want your support."

"Ok."

"Now, what were you saying, about the flaws in my plan?"

"How are you going to keep people from finding out?"

"You're the only one who knows."

"You are going to start showing, soon," Maura warns.

"No, I'm not."

"Jane, you can't fight nature."

"But I'm going to try."

"You need to talk to your mother."

"Why? I am successfully avoiding her, at this point."

"You can't avoid her forever."

"What is your point?"

"What do you think is going to happen, when she finds out that you're still pregnant?"

"Maura stop saying that."

"Well?"

"I don't know," Jane shrugs.

"And that you don't plan on keeping it?"

"She won't find out."

"You hope."

Jane stares at her, with her arms, folded across her chest. She ties to listen to her opinion, but finds it difficult, as Maura stares at her. Sometimes she hated how well Maura knew her. She hated that no matter how different they were, Maura could always see the truth about her. It was unnerving.

"Stop it," Jane hisses.

Maura suddenly realizes that she's staring at Jane's abdomen. She meets Jane's glance.

"Sorry."

"Can you tell?"

"Jane that is a loaded question."

"Answer it."

"Of course I can. I doubt that anyone else can, though."

"How am I supposed to do this?"

Maura shrugs, "I wish I knew."


	7. Breaking And Entering

She pulls on an old t-shirt, that she finds in her drawer. She climbs into her bed, and turns off the light. She stares at the clock for a moment. She rolls over, onto her back. She stares up at the ceiling. She closes her eyes, in an attempt to go to sleep. She's nearly asleep, when she feels it. She tries to ignore the fluttering sensation. After a few seconds it stops. She closes her eyes, and tries to fall asleep. A few moments later she feels the fluttering again. She rolls over, and turns on the light. She kicks off her covers, and rolls up the t-shirt. She exposes the mismatched boxer shorts underneath. She stares at her stomach.

It was not as flat as it had once been. She inspects the skin closely, clearly there was nothing on her. She adjusts her shirt, and reaches down, and pulls the covers back over her. She flips off the light, and closes her eyes, once again. She eventually drifts off to sleep. A few hours later she wakes up, and goes to the bathroom, to pee. She climbs back in bed, and closes her eyes. As she lies on her side the fluttering sensation starts again. She rolls over, and reaches for her phone. She eyes the clock. It reminds her that it's too late to call anyone. The green numbers read; 218. She dials anyway.

After seven rings a sheepish voice comes on the other end of the line. "Hello?" she answers groggily.

"I'm sorry to be calling so late."

"Jane, is something wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Why are you calling me? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I know that it's too late to call."

"Is there a dead body somewhere?"

"No."

"Then what reason do you have, for waking me from a deep sleep?"

"I can't sleep."

"What do you want from me? Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?"

"No. I've heard you sing, believe me, I don't need that."

"Then why are you calling me?""I don't know what's happening."

"What do you mean? Is something wrong?"

"Maybe I'm just being paranoid. It's late, I could be imagining things."

"What things?"

"It feels like something is fluttering..."

Before she can go any farther Maura stops her, "Jane it's normal, just go back to sleep. It's nothing to worry about."

"What's normal?"

"To feel like it's fluttering."

"Feel like what is fluttering?"

"Jane it's just the baby."

"What?"

"It's just the baby moving, now go back to sleep."

"Oh."

"Is that all you need?"

"I..."

"Goodnight, Jane," Maura hangs up.

Jane places the phone back onto her bedside stand. She rolls on to her back, and attempts to go back to sleep. Eventually, after tossing and turning, she falls back to sleep. When she wakes up in the morning, she finds that she is not alone. She opens her eyes, and finds her mother sitting on the end of her bed.

"Ma, what are you doing in here?"

"I was watching you sleep."

"That's creepy, I am a grown woman."

"You're still my baby."

"What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to come and see you. Is it a crime to come and see my only daughter? I mean you refuse to return my phone calls. You won't even answer my text messages. You don't come over. What was I supposed to do?"

"When did you learn to text?"

"That isn't the point, Janey."

"What is the point, Ma?"

"You're avoiding me. I want to know why."

"Do I have to have a reason?"

"That was rude."

"I've got to get ready for work."

"By all means, don't let me stop you," Angela insists.

Jane climbs out of bed, and walks past her mother. She walks into the closet, and begins to get dressed. When she comes out of the closet she's wearing a navy blue t-shirt, a charcoal grey blazer, and charcoal grey pants. Angela watches her closely.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"There is something different about you."

"Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Why isn't your shirt tucked in?"

"It's not a crime to leave my shirt un-tucked."

"It makes you look un-kept. That is a poor reflection on me, as your mother."

"I'm not six anymore, ma."

"Did you... I never thought that you would..." Angela trails off.

"What?"

"Your boobs."

"Why are you looking at my boobs?"

"Did you have a boob job?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I didn't. Why would you think that?"

"Because they look bigger."

"So you automatically assume that I had a boob job? Do you really think that I would do that?"

"Jane, I don't know what you would do, anymore."

"Save it," Jane warns.

"It's your life, I have to learn to accept that, even if the choices you make are wrong. Even if the choices you make go against God."

"You're being dramatic."

"Am I? Did you have a breast implants?"

"No, of course not. I would never do that."

"Are you wearing a wonder bra, or something?"

"No," she shakes her head, and rolls her eyes.

"What is going on with you? Why do you have such a bad attitude this morning?"

"You break into my apartment, and I am not allowed to have a bad attitude?"

"I did not break in. I used the key."

"Did it ever occur to you, that I might just not want to talk about it?"

"I don't care if you want to talk about it, or not. I want to talk about it."

"So that makes it ok?"

"Jane why are you doing this? You're spiraling out of control. I feel like I don't even know you anymore. Why did you do this? Jane I am having a very hard time with this. I don't understand it."

"Do what, Ma?"

"You know what," Angela counters.

"Get knocked up, after a drunken one-night stand, with my partner? I'm sure that was planned. I did it just to embarrass you."

"That's not what I am talking about, although I'm not very happy about that part, either."

"What are you talking about?"

"The other part."

"What other part?"

"You... you getting rid of it."

"Getting rid of it?" Jane raises an eyebrow.

"Having an abortion, there I said it. I want to know why. Tell me, why. I just don't understand."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand anything that I do."

"Please, just tell me why you did it. It's been driving me crazy. I have to know. It keeps me up at night, thinking about it. The whole thing upsets me. The thought of..."

Jane cuts her off, "Mom, just stop."

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel bad."

"Good, because I don't."

"You have no remorse?"

"Remorse? I have nothing to feel remorseful for."

"Did you confess?"

"I have nothing to confess. I didn't do anything wrong."

"You don't think that it was wrong, to have an abortion?"


	8. Complicated Truths

"Jane, an answer would be nice."

"I don't know what to tell you."

"Answer the question."

"I'm not in the wrong, here."

"How do you figure?"

"Because I didn't do anything."

"What do you mean, you didn't do anything? I don't understand."

"I didn't do it. You assumed that I did, all on your own."

"That is what you told me that you were going to do."

"Yes, it is."

"So then that is what you did?"

"No."

"But you said..."

"That is what I told you."

"You lied to me?"

"No, I didn't lie to you."

"Are you lying to me now?"

"No."

"Please explain this. I don't understand."

"I didn't do anything."

"Meaning?"

"Nothing happened."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, I didn't have an abortion."

"You're not pregnant. What other option is there? You threw yourself down a flight of stairs?"

"No."

"Jane..."

"I'm still pregnant."

"Still pregnant? You aren't serious."

"Why won't you believe anything that I tell you?"

"You don't look pregnant."

"I know that. I am trying to keep this a secret for as long as possible."

"Why are you trying to keep it a secret?"

"Frost doesn't know."

"That you're pregnant?"

"He knows."

"I don't understand."

"He thinks that I am no longer pregnant. He assumed the same thing that you did."

"When you set your mind to something, you usually do it."

"I changed my mind."

"Why can't he know?"

"He thinks that I'm not pregnant."

"Why? Why would you let him think that? Jane, why would you let me think that?" Angela wonders.

"I didn't want you to know."

"It's great news, why wouldn't you want me to know?"

"I am having the baby, but I..." she looks at the expression on her mother's face. She trails off.

"You, what?"

"I am not planning on keeping the baby. I'm not doing this to try to upset you. You just have to understand that this is not the right time. I'm no good with kids. I don't want this."

"Ok."

"Ok? You're ok with that?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"This is not the reaction I expected. You think that I am going to change my mind?"

"It doesn't matter what I think."

"Yes it does."

"If that's what you want, it's up to you."

"You aren't morally opposed?"

"I hate the thought of my grandchild out there in the world somewhere, but..."

"But what?"

"It's a better than raising a child that you don't want."

"You're ok with this?"

"I love you. You might be grown, but you will always be my baby. I want what's best for you. If that's what's best for you, and the baby, then I will support that. I understand where you're coming from."

"But?"

"No buts."

"You're not going to try to dissuade me?"

"No. I am not a fan of the idea, but it is your choice."

"So was the other option, and you didn't like that."

"I don't like this, but I can live with it. You can live with it."

"I'm sorry that I have disappointed you."

"You're going to be late for work, if you don't leave soon."

"Crap, I'm out of cereal."

"There are pancakes waiting in the microwave for you."

"Thanks," Jane grimaces.

"What's the face for?"

"We don't like pancakes."

"Since when?"

"Apparently the baby is not a fan. I get violently ill anytime I try to eat pancakes, or waffles, or cake, or muffins, or coffee, just to name a few."

"Yogurt?"

"There isn't any yogurt in my fridge."

"I stopped at the store, on my way here, I got a few things."

"Thanks."

"Jane?"

"Huh?"

"You need to tell him."

"Who? Dad?"

"No, it's best that your father doesn't know."

"Tell who? Frankie?"

"Frost. Jane, you need to tell Frost."

"What made you stop by, today, of all days?"

"A little birdie..."

"Maura called you?"

Angela doesn't respond. Jane moves out of the bedroom, towards the kitchen.

"I can't believe her. She has some nerve."

Angela follows her, "Jane, she was just worried about you."

"So she called you, to come check up on me?"

"She's a good friend."

"She's an annoying friend, who meddles."

"Who was worried about you. She thinks that you're taking on too much."

"I'm not."

"She said that you've been putting in a lot of hours."

"I always put in a lot of hours."

"And killing yourself at the gym."

"Crap, I was supposed to go to the gym this morning."

Angela shakes her head. She points to Jane's stomach, "You can't stop that."

"I have done pretty well, so far."

"In a couple of weeks you'll pop like a balloon."

"I doubt that."

"How far along are you?" Angela furrows her brow.

"Eighteen weeks."

"Any day, now," Angela warns.

"Don't be ridiculous."


	9. Like Talking To A Wall

Maura carefully reads the lab results, as Detective Rizzoli chews on her cuticle. Maura ignores Jane's impatience.

"Are you mad at me?" Jane can stand the silence no longer.

"Why would you think that?"

"You haven't said a word to me, in ten minutes."

"You haven't even been down here ten minutes. I am trying to read this."

"Maura you're a speed reader."

"You're point?"

"Tell me what it says."

"Your suspect is not a match to the DNA we found on the victim."

"That doesn't rule him out."

"I am just telling you. You're the detective," she reminds.

"Why are you being so cold?"

Maura shoots her a look.

"Maura, if you have something to say, just say it. It isn't like you, to keep your opinions to yourself."

"Jane you're my friend, and I would hate to lose that, over something that I say."

"You won't. Just tell me. And, since when do you care?"

"You need a friend."

"I won't deny that."

"I think that you're making a mistake."

"You're going to have to be more specific."

"With the baby."

"You think that I shouldn't have it?"

"No, that isn't what I think."

"What do you think?"

"You need to tell Frost."

"No, I don't want to get him involved. Hopefully one day he'll forgive me."

"You think that by lying to him you're going to get forgiveness?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Jane this is not going to end well."

"Why not?"

"He's going to find out."

"He's not going to find out."

"You don't know that," Maura argues.

"You don't know that he will."

"Jane you can't hide this. Not for another five and a half months. There is no way. He's going to find out."

"I'll take a leave of absence."

"You don't think that he'll get suspicious?"

"I don't care. I don't want to have to go through him, to do what I want."

"Jane, if he finds out..." Maura trails off.

"If he finds out, what? What were you going to say?"

"He's never going to let you do this. He will never let you give the baby up."

"That is why he can't find out."

"Even if you can keep him from finding out that you're still pregnant, for the next five, and a half months, how are you going to keep him from finding out, once the baby is born?"

"As far as he is concerned there is no baby. He'll forget all about it, by then."

"You think he's going to forget about it? The fact that you two are no longer partners is a daily reminder of what happened. I don't think that he will forget that quickly."

"Why are we even having this conversation?"

"Because you're wrong."

"Maura, you're not always right. You may be right most of the time, but you're not right, this time."

"Would you just hear me out?"

Jane crosses her arms, over her chest.

"You are going to look pregnant, at some point, whether you like it, or not. Someone is going to notice. Frost is going to hear about it, some how. Maybe from a whisper in the hallway, or someone asks him about it. Or you're going to take time off, and he's going to do the math. He's going to find out that you're in the hospital, and that you've had the baby."

"What do you suggest that I do?"

"Tell him."

"Tell him? I can't."

"If you don't, and he finds out, it is still going to cause problems."

"How?"

"He can contest the adoption."

"I am never going to be able to convince him that this is the right thing."

"Is that what you're really worried about?"

"What do you mean," she furrows her brows.

"Are you worried that you can't convince him? Or, are you worried that he is going to convince you, that his way is better?"

"Does it matter?"

"Why are you so against him knowing?"

"I don't want to do this. Maura I am tired of talking about it. I do not want to be a parent."

"So why can't he?"

"Because I don't want to be the bad guy. Because I don't want him to. Because he shouldn't. There are a million different reasons. This is my choice, not his."

"He doesn't get any say?"

"Why should he?"

"Because it belongs to him, too."

"You don't have to keep reminding me of that."

"What are you really afraid of?"

"I love my job."

"I love my job, too. What is your point, Jane?"

Jane shakes her head, "Would you give up all of this, for a baby that you don't even want? A child that you are completely unprepared for, and will probably just screw up, anyway? Would you?"

"I..."

"Be honest," Jane insists.

"No. I wouldn't be where you are right now."

"Meaning?"

"I would have chosen differently."

"You wouldn't have slept with your partner?" Jane's voice raises.

"That wasn't what I meant. Everyone makes mistakes."

"You don't."

"Of course I do. I just have a harder time admitting it, than you do. And, I don't have Catholic guilt. I wouldn't beat myself up, over something I did, when I was in an impaired state of mind."

"What did you mean, exactly?"

"I would not still be pregnant."

"It's too late for me to make that choice now."

"No, it's not," Maura argues.

"Maybe not legally, but... for me, it is."

"Why?"

"Did you forget the phone conversation we had?"

"About what? I spend most of the day on the phone with you, for one reason, or another."

"I felt it move."

"I know."

"I..."

"If you can't make this decision now, what makes your think that when you give birth, you are going to be able to? You have nearly six months to get attached. You are going to feel it move, and kick. You're going to see it's face. How are you going to give it away then?"

"Why don't you believe that I can do this? This is what I want. Why are you trying to talk me out of this?"

"I believe that you can."

"But?"

"I don't think that you will."

"Why not?"

"You say that you don't want it. That you're not ready to be a parent. And, maybe you're not ready to be a parent, but..."

"But?"

"It is still your baby. Your child. At the end of the day, I don't think that you can handle it. I think that somewhere, deep down, you do want it."

"Why do you think that?"

"We wouldn't be having this conversation right now, if it wasn't true."


	10. Lying By Omission

"Jane I want the truth."

"The truth about what, Maura?"

"Why don't you want to keep the baby? Is it because it belongs to Frost?"

"No."

"Is it because it is going to be mixed race?"

"No. It wouldn't matter who it belonged to, or what it looked like. I don't want a baby."

"You don't want a baby, or you don't want this baby?"

"I don't want any baby. I am trying to do the right thing. Why is everyone on my case?"

"Because no one understands your reasoning."

"I am choosing not to be a parent, because I don't want to be a parent. I would not make a good parent. I am too involved with my job. I work long hours, and that is not compatible with having a baby. There are some things that I am just not willing to give up. There are some sacrifices that I am not willing to make."

"So you're choosing your job, over your child?"

"Maura, of all people I would expect you to understand. Can you honestly tell me that if you were pregnant right now, you would have the baby, and keep it."

"I'm not."

"If you were?"

"I don't know."

"You love your job. Your job is your life."

"I wouldn't make the same choices that you're making."

"You have chosen a career, when most people our age are choosing to settle down, and have kids. I think that you have already made your decision."

"You think that you know what I would do, but you don't. Just like I can't believe that you're giving your baby up for adoption."

"What would you do?"

"I would keep it."

"No you wouldn't. I don't believe that for a second."

She opens her refrigerator. She looks inside, left over take out. A couple containers of yogurt, half a carton of eggs, and a few beers, shoved into the back. She stares longingly at the beer, and then slams the door shut. She goes into the living room, empty handed. She sinks onto the couch, in defeat. She stares at an envelope, on the coffee table. It had been two weeks since her conversation with Maura, about Frost. The words still echoed in her head. Especially today. Those wounds were still fresh.

She stares at her stomach. She wondered if anyone had noticed that she was wearing different pants. Or, that she no longer needed a belt. That she rarely tucked in her shirt, instead opting to button her blazer. She looks over at the chair. Her blazer is draped over the back of it. She redirects her attention to her stomach. The fabric clings to her. Maybe no one had noticed that she looked pregnant. She certainly didn't look five months pregnant. Hours at the gym prevented her abdominal muscles from completely separating. Despite her best efforts things were starting to change. Her stomach was getting rounder, and her clothes were fitting tighter. Maybe she could convince them it was just a beer gut. Except for the part, where she hadn't drank in months.

She sighs in frustration, and returns her attention to the envelope sitting on the table. As she reaches for it someone knocks on the door. She quickly grabs the envelope, and stuffs it under the couch cushion. She wanders to the door, and unchains it. She pulls the door open. She stares at the person on the other side in complete confusion. She stares at him, waiting for him to speak, or move. She decides to start the conversation.

"What are you doing here?" she says in a less that cordial tone.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"To tell you that I was a jerk. I shouldn't have acted so hastily in severing our partnership. It was childish, and it hurt both of us. We make a good team. I miss having you as my partner."

"I don't know if we can ever be partners again."

"You're happy being partnered with..."

She doesn't allow him to finish, "Not my first choice."

"Jane, please."

"You should come in," she offers.

He nods, and follows her in. She points to the couch. He takes a seat. She carefully positions herself on the couch.

"You have every reason to be angry with me. You have every reason not to trust me. If I were you, I wouldn't want me as a partner."

"And why is that?"

"Barry..."

He blushes upon hearing her uses his first name.

"I owe you an apology. I made a mistake."

"Can we just agree to put the past behind us?"

"I want to."

"Then let's agree to move forward."

"I can't."

"You can't? Why not?"

"I can't move forward, knowing that I lied to you."

"About what?"

"Technically, I lied by omission. I didn't actually lie to your face."

"Jane, what are you talking about?"

"Being pregnant."

"You weren't pregnant? That was a lie?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"To which part?"

"It wasn't a lie."

"Then what was a lie? Something you said?"

"Something I didn't say. I just didn't tell you the truth. I should have told you. I just... I didn't think that you would understand."

"Understand what?"

"I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to be involved. It isn't your fault. It's my fault."

"What's your fault?"

"All of this."

"Jane you're not making any sense."

"I told you that I was not going to have the baby."

"I remember."

"It wasn't a lie."

"You're talking in circles."

"I didn't think I was going to. I didn't want to."

"I don't understand."

"But I changed my mind."

"Changed your mind? It's too late now."

"No," she shakes her head, "It's not."

He furrows his brow, "It's not?"

"I didn't do it."

"Do what?"

She swallows hard, "I'm still pregnant."

He looks at her, "I don't believe you. What kind of crap are you trying to pull, Rizzoli?"

"I am trying to tell you the truth."

"You're going to have to prove it."

She pulls out the envelope. She hands it to him. He looks at her, and then to the envelope, as he takes it from her. He opens it, and pulls out the contents. He stares at the black and white images. Finally his eyes meet hers.

"I don't believe this. Why would you let me think that you had an abortion?"

"Because I knew that you wouldn't like this."

"Like what?"

"I still don't want a baby. I am going to have the baby, but..."

"But what?"

"I don't want to keep it."

"Why couldn't you just tell me that?"

"I don't want you to keep it either."

"That is my choice, not yours."

"I want to give the baby up for adoption."

"Not going to happen."

"I don't want to have to come to work every day, knowing that you're going to be there. Knowing that you're going to bring up the baby, or show off pictures, or whatever. That's not fair to me. It's not fair to you, either."

"Jane, this is unbelievable. If I want to do this, it's my choice. It is my baby too."

"I knew this is how you would react. This is why I didn't tell you."


	11. Doing Too Much

"So you were just going to have the baby, without telling me? And then give it up for adoption?"

"Yes?"

"When did you get to be such a manipulative, conniving, bitch?"

"I am trying to do what's best."

"For who? Certainly not what's best for the baby. You're doing what's best for you."

"What other choice do I have? What are my options? I don't want to raise a child in two homes. It will never understand why it's parents aren't together. I don't want it to think that someone forced me to keep him. That isn't fair either. I mean, it's not like we are going to be together, raising this child. That isn't going to happen."

"Will you please, just think about other options? I want you to promise me that you will consider other scenarios."

"Fine," he nods. He gets up, and hands the envelope back to her. He turns, and heads for the door. His hand is on the doorknob when she speaks again.

"It is a him," she reveals.

He nods, and walks out of the apartment.

* * *

Jane watches, as Maura shows her the contusions on the body. She nods, and tries to focus. Maura watches Jane closely, as she talks to her. She notices all of the color drain from Jane's face.

"Jane are you ok?"

"Huh?"

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she slips off her gloves, and tosses them in the trash. She grabs Jane by the hand, and drags her across the room. She plants her on a stool, in the corner of the room.

"Jane?"

"Is this where you lecture me?"

"Did you do something deserving of a lecture?"

"You enjoy lecturing me."

"Can I ask a question, without it being considered a lecture?"

"That depends."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Um... this morning. I had some yogurt, and fruit, before I left for the gym."

"You went to the gym this morning?"

"I have too."

"Jane," Maura looks at her watch, "It's three o'clock in the afternoon. That was hours ago."

"I got busy."

"That is no excuse. In your condition you have to eat."

"What condition would that be?" Vince Korsak asks as he enters the room.

"She's diagnosing me again," Jane answers.

"Just some low blood sugar. If she would listen to me, this wouldn't happen."

"Well I could eat. How about a burger and fries?" Vince questions.

Jane grimaces.

"You don't want a burger? You love burgers."

"I'm just not in the mood for a hamburger."

"We could go get some beer battered fish, and hushpuppies."

Jane shakes her head, "I'm going to go get a salad."

"Since when did you turn into a salad eater?"

"I like salad," Jane argues.

"No you don't. What's with the sudden health kick? Yesterday I saw you drinking juice. You don't even like juice."

"I am just trying to get healthy. In this economy I'll probably never be able to retire, so I'll just have to be healthy."

"Jane, what's really going on?"

"I am just trying to behave myself."

"So are we going for lunch, or not?"

"I..." Jane attempts to protest.

"She'd love to. I'm sure she'd like a nice steak."

Jane shoots her a look.

"You need more protein in your diet, for the muscle you're trying to build," Maura covers for her.

Jane rolls her eyes, and leaves the room with Korsak.

Hours later Jane sits at her desk, going through paper work. She is so focused on her work that she doesn't hear the footsteps coming towards her. She doesn't see Maura standing behind her. Suddenly she feels the hand on her shoulder, and looks up.

"What are you doing up here?"

"I came to see if you were still here."

"Why?"

"I'm getting ready to leave, because it's late."

"Oh."

"Are you going home soon?"

"In a little while."

"Jane, go home."

"You're not my mother, stop lecturing me."

"You don't listen to your mother."

"Because she is ridiculous."

"Jane..."

"I don't want to hear it, Maura."

"Have you thought about what I said?"

"I told him, ok?"

"So now what?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. He's been avoiding me."

"How did your appointment go?"

"Fine."

"Just fine?"

"Everything is normal."

"Obviously you're in a bad mood, so I am going to go."

"Ok."

"Jane, the paperwork can wait."

"Maura!"

"Go home," Maura replies, as she walks away from Jane's desk.

When she arrives home, she finds her mother waiting at her door.

"Ma, what are you doing here? It's almost eleven o'clock."

"I just wanted to check in on you."

"I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"Come in," Jane answers.

"Jane, answer me. Are you ok?"

"No. I'm not ok. I wish everyone would stop asking me that. Just stop. I don't want to talk about it. I just want it to go away."

"Not talking about it isn't going to make it go away."

"But it should."

"But it won't."

"Why does everyone want to know how I'm feeling?"

"We're all worried about you."

"How can I tell you what I'm feeling, when I don't even know?"

"You're doing to much."

"I am pregnant, not an invalid."

"Aren't you exhausted?"

"All the time, but I just have to work through it."

"Jane, you have to slow down."

"I am not going to slow down. I have to stay busy."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll go crazy. I don't want to sit around and think about this."

"Because?"

"I just don't want to think about this."

"But you need to."

"Why? Are you expecting me to change my mind?"

"I am expecting you to make up your mind. How much have you really thought about this? How are you going to carry a child for nine months, and give it up for adoption? How are you going to be ok with knowing that you have child out there, in the world somewhere?"

"I am not in any position to make any other choice. I cannot do this on my own."

"Nobody said that you have to."

"I can't do my job, and have a baby."

"You're choosing your job over your child?"

"My job is my life."

"Maybe something else needs to be in your life."

"I don't want to be a single parent. It isn't fair to me, and it's not fair to this baby."


	12. Baby, Jane

"Did you tell Frost?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"He hasn't spoken to me since."

"Can you blame him?"

"No, not a bit."

"You aren't having an second thoughts?"

"It is hard I understand that. It gets harder everyday, but this is what I have to do."

"You don't have to do this," Angela corrects her.

"This is what I want. Ok? Please just support my decision, instead of trying to change my mind."

"Ok, but..."

"But what?"

"I talked to Dr. Isles."

Jane groans, and rolls her eyes.

"I am going to stay with you for a few days."

"What? Why?"

"Dr. Isles and I agreed that it is what is best for you."

"I am an adult," Jane reminds her.

"One who is making stupid decisions. I understand if you don't want to keep this baby, but you still have to be healthy. It still needs to be healthy. You need to slow down a little bit. You need to eat..."

"I do eat."

"Eat regular meals. You need to take care of yourself."

"I am."

"No, you're not."

"Mom, I appreciate your concern, but I can take care of myself."

"No if, ands, or buts. I am staying for a few days, until I am convinced that you are really taking care of yourself."

"Fine."

"Did you have dinner?"

"It's eleven o'clock at night."

"Answer the question."

"I had a late lunch."

"What do you want me to make? I'll fix you whatever you want."

"I'm not hungry."

"I know that isn't true. What do you want? Are you craving anything?"

"Aside from beer?"

"You're craving beer?"

"I spend ten minutes every night, just staring at the beer that's in the fridge."

"That isn't going to happen. Anything else?"

"Maybe a grilled cheese."

"I tell you that I'll make you anything, and you want grilled cheese?"

"I know I have the stuff to make grilled cheese."

"I came by earlier, and brought so groceries."

"You don't have to do that. I am perfectly capable of going to the grocery store."

"Yet your fridge was empty. Besides, you never make the time."

"I'm going to go take a shower."

"I'll have your dinner ready when you get out."

When Jane gets out of the shower she finds her mother waiting on her. Her mother holds up an envelope.

"I found this in the drawer, with your spatula."

"I never cook, so it seemed like as good a place, as any, to put it."

"You don't want to look at them?"

"I've already looked at them."

"And?"

"I thought that the adoptive parents would want to have them."

"Have you found adoptive parents, yet?"

"No."

"Have you spoken to an adoption agency?"

"No."

"How far along are you?"

"Five months."

"You really need to eat more."

Jane wakes up, in the middle of the night. She rolls over, and looks at the clock. She lies back down, and tries to go back to sleep. Sleep doesn't come. Instead she feels a stomach cramp. Fifteen minutes later, as she's nearly asleep she feels another one. She tiptoes out of her room, into the living room. She finds her mother asleep on her couch.

"Ma?"

"Huh?"

"Ma?"

"What, Jane?"

"Can you wake up for a second, please?"

Angela sits up. Jane turns on the lamp. Angela notices the panic stricken look on her face.

"Jane, what's wrong?"

"I don't know."

"You woke me up for a reason, didn't you?"

"Yes," she nods.

"What's wrong?"

"I feel like I'm having stomach cramps."

Angela furrows her brow. She presses her hand against Jane's stomach. Jane tries to restrain herself, from smacking her mother's hand away. She manages to refrain long enough for Angela to move her hand.

"Where are your keys?"

"My keys? What do I need keys for?"

"Grab your keys, I'm taking you to the hospital."

"To the hospital. Why? What's wrong?"

"Get your coat, and come on."

"Will you tell me what's going on, please?"

"Jane you're having contractions."

"Contractions? You can't be serious. I am only five months pregnant. I can't be having contractions."

"Stop arguing, and come on."

"Fine," Jane grabs her keys.

They make it to the hospital in five minutes. Jane climbs out of the car, and her mother ushers her into the ER. Within ten minutes a doctor is in to take a look at her. The sense of urgency demonstrated by the doctor is a red flag for her. He hooks her up to monitors, and examines her. The anxiety of the situation makes it hard for her to breathe.

She barely hears a word that he says. The next thing she knows, she's being admitted to the hospital. She finds herself hooked up to an IV, and other monitors. Her mother steps out of the room, to make a phone call. Twenty minutes later Dr. Isles arrives. Jane looks at the clock, barely four a.m. Her day promised to be long, and full of surprises.


	13. Two Words

She opens her eyes, and looks around the room. Angela sits in a chair, next to her. Behind her is a window, the sunlight peeks in, through the blind. Jane realizes that against her will she had fallen asleep. Her mother's eyes flit between the monitors. Suddenly Angela's eyes flit to her face.

"You're awake."

"I didn't realize how tired I was. How long was I out?"

"About four hours."

"Is everything ok?"

"They've managed to stop the contractions. They think that stress was a major contributor, along with overexertion."

"When can I leave?"

"Tomorrow morning. They want to watch you for twenty four hours, before they let you go home."

"Why do I still have an IV?"

"Because it is standard procedure."

"Ma!"

"That is what the nurse told me."

"What else did she tell you?"

"That you are dehydrated."

"And?"

"Your doctor told me that he is concerned, because your measurements have been off for the last three appointments. He doesn't think the baby is getting enough nutrients."

"Is that what he said, or what you told him?"

"What he said. I simply agreed."

"That's all?"

"And you should talk to your boss."

"Did you call in, for me?"

"I did."

"What did you say?"

"That you are in the hospital."

"For what?"

"Dehydration, and that you're going to need to be off for a couple of days."

"I don't want visitors."

"You are not here."

"Huh?"

"There is a form that can be filled out, if you don't want people to know your here. I took care of it for you."

"Thanks."

"One more thing."

"What's that?"

"You're not going to like it."

"You're being put on bed rest."

"Bed rest? For how long?"

"A few weeks, at the very least. A minimum of four. The doctor wants to see you again, then. Then he'll decide if he wants to keep you on it, or not."

"I can't go on bed rest."

"You will."

"I have to work."

"Stop worrying about work. It isn't as if they are going to give your job away."

"So?"

"You have to focus on you, and the baby."

"I want to go home."

"Get well first."

"How long are you going to stay with me?"

"Until you're off bed rest. I have to make sure that you're doing what you're supposed to."

"Where did Maura go?"

"To work. She had a dead body to take care of."

"A case?"

"Jane can you keep your mind off of work for two seconds?"

"I can try."

"Can I ask you a question, without you getting mad at me?"

"Probably not."

"Would you like me to call your partner?"

"No."

"You don't want me to call Frost?"

"Frost isn't my partner anymore."

"Do you want me to call him?"

"No."

"Do you want me to do anything for you?"

"Stop worrying about me."

"Never."

"Ma, I'm fine."

"Why are you making this so hard?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're pregnant. You have to face that fact, at some point. Whether you like it, or not."

"You don't understand."

"You don't want to be treated like an invalid. I get it."

"That's not it. I mean it is part of it."

"What is the other part?"

"It has taken a lot for me to earn respect. I don't want to lose respect, because I'm pregnant. I don't want to be treated any differently, than anyone else I work with. I have to work twice as hard, to be on a level playing field, because I'm a girl."

"A tough girl."

"I don't want everything to change, because of this."

"Jane..." Angela shakes her head, "You aren't going to be able to stop things from changing. Things are going to change. No matter what. You can't hide forever. People are going to find out the truth. You need to confess. Tell them the truth, before they find out from someone else. That is what you do to keep their respect."

"They won't understand."

"Maybe not, but if they respect you, then they'll respect that you are allowed to make whatever choice you feel is necessary."

"Do I have to tell them about the other part of the equation?"

"Not if you don't want to."

"Why is this so hard?"

"Because you were blindsided. You weren't ready."

"I'm not ready."

"This isn't what you envisioned for yourself, so it is hard to adjust."

"I..."

"You what?"

Jane looks away. She looks past her mother, towards the window. She blinks away the tears.

"I'm scared," she admits, as her voice cracks.


	14. Him

"That's ok. It's ok to be scared."

"I shouldn't be scared, not of this."

"This is a lot scarier than the things that you do on a daily basis."

"Why is that?"

"Because you are responsible for another life. A life that is growing inside of you. That is an incredible responsibility."

"Maura doesn't agree with my decision."

"Have you asked her why?"

"She makes her opinion known."

"Isn't she adopted?"

"Yes."

"Maybe you should talk to her."

"Maybe," Jane nods in agreement.

At lunchtime Dr. Isles stops in to see her. Angela excuses herself from the room. Maura takes her vacant seat. She looks at Jane, trying to gauge her expression.

"What's on your mind?"

"Always, something," Jane answers.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"The contractions stopped?"

"Yeah."

"When do you get to go home?"

"Tomorrow."

"And then?"

"I'm on bed rest. Me, on bed rest? Isn't that the most ridiculous thing that you've ever heard?"

"No."

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"I have never been able to stop you."

"Why don't you want me to do this?"

"Because I think that you will regret it."

"That's the reason?"

"Among other things."

"And the other things?"

"I don't think that you have thought about this enough. I mean I know that you have thought about it, but you haven't thought about how you're going to feel. How..." Maura trails off, "I am not going to make you feel guilty."

"It's ok, say it."

"You aren't thinking about how this is going to make this child feel."

"You were adopted," Jane points out.

"And I had a very privileged childhood."

"But?"

"But I always wondered why. I never understood."

"Sometimes it's the best thing that a mother can do."

"And sometimes it's not."

Jane makes a sudden realization, "You feel abandoned?"

"By who?"

"Your mother. You feel like she abandoned you?"

"Wouldn't you?"

"That isn't my intention."

"It doesn't matter what your intention is. There are complex psychological issues that come along with a child who is adopted, no matter what the circumstances are."

"You turned out fine."

"Did I?"

"Maura why does this bother you so much?"

"Because you are old enough to know better."

"Know better?"

"It's not like you are a teenager."

"So that makes it wrong?"

"You should have been more careful."

"I made a mistake."

"And you should deal with the consequences."

"I am trying."

"You aren't letting anyone help you."

"Maura, what would you do, if you were in this situation?"

"First off, I would never have made it as a cop."

"And second of all?"

"I wouldn't have slept with my partner."

"I know. I know that I screwed up."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"I am not good with kids. I know nothing about babies."

"You could learn."

"I don't want to. I don't want to get up for three am feedings, or change diapers. I don't want that."

"You don't want that now, or you don't want that ever?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you seriously telling me that if the situation was different that your decision wouldn't be different?"

"Different how?"

"If you were happily married."

"I... it probably would."

"Because?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Jane, there is never going to be a right time. You know that right?"

"You judge me for the choices that I'm making, when you have no clue what it's like."

"You're right, I don't. I wouldn't have let this happen."

"It isn't as if I planned it. It was an accident."

"You probably were too," Maura points out.

"Is that supposed to make me feel bad?"

"No, I'm just stating a fact. Most pregnancies are unplanned."

"What is it, that you think I should do?"

"First of all, accept the fact that you're pregnant. Second of all, tell everyone. Third of all, don't make a decision, until you have the baby. You aren't really going to know what you want to do, until then."

"Ok. You're right. There is no rush. I shouldn't make a hasty decision. This isn't like picking what I want for lunch. This is a life, we're talking about."

"And you do need to talk to Frost."

"I talked to him. He is the one who is no longer talking to me."

"Make him talk to you."

"I can't."

"Does he know that you're here?"

"No. He doesn't care, I'm sure."

"He cares about you."

"No, he doesn't."

"He's angry at you right now, but he does care about the baby."

"Of course he cares about him, that's the problem."

"Cares about him?" Maura raises an eyebrow.

Jane nods.


	15. Conflicted

She looks up, hearing the footsteps coming towards her. She looks at her mother, who just shrugs. A familiar figure appears in the doorway. He peers into the room. Jane stares at him, in confusion.

"Can I come in?" he asks permission.

"Who told you that I was here?"

"Who else?"

Jane looks at her mother. Angela shakes her head, "Not me."

"Maura?" she questions him, as he moves closer.

He nods in confirmation. He stops at the foot of the bed.

"I'm going to go get a cup of coffee," Angela excuses herself from the room.

Frost just looks at Jane.

"You can have seat," Jane offers.

"I'm not staying. I just wanted to stop by, and make sure that you're ok."

"You mean, that the baby is ok?"

"That too."

"We're both fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm going home tomorrow."

"When are you coming back to work?"

"That has yet to be determined. I am supposed to be on bed rest for a few weeks."

"Supposed to?"

"I am going to be," she corrects.

"Jane, we need to talk."

"About what? Aren't you talked out, yet?"

"Have you found adoptive parents, yet?"

Jane shakes her head, "No."

"Do you have any candidates?"

"Not yet."

"What are you waiting on?"

"That isn't what you want."

"I didn't know that I had any say."

"You have to agree to it."

"I will agree to whatever you want. I don't want to fight about this anymore. I don't want to think about this anymore."

"You're washing your hands of the situation?"

"I don't think that I can win."

"What is it that you want? What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to reconsider."

"I..."

"Just let me have the baby."

"So that I look like a cold, heartless, bitch?"

"That's what you think it will look like?"

"I don't know. What makes you think that you are any better equipped to do this, than I am? How are you going to pull it off? You have a job. A job that you will need to support a kid. Who is going to help you take care of the baby while you're at work? A nanny? Oh, wait you're a cop, you can't afford a nanny. So, I guess daycare. They'll see him more than you do."

"Maybe you should ask your mother."

"To take care of a baby, that I am not ready for? A baby that I don't want to keep, why would I do that?"

"Not what I meant. Maybe you should ask your mother who is going to take care of the baby while I'm at work."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You should ask her."

"Did you ask her?"

"No."

"But she has something to do with it?"

"Yes," he nods.

"How did this turn into such a mess?"

"We both did something stupid."

"That would never happen again, in a million years."

"I'm not even sure why it happened in the first place," he admits.

"You think that I know?"

"I don't recall all the details, but I think that it was you who made a move on me."

"Is that a crime?"

"We were partners."

"Were."

"Were, because of what happened. Jane, we would still be partners, if none of this had happened."

"What do you want, an apology? I am sorry that this happened. I'm sorry that I screwed up. I wish that I could go back in time, and take all of this back. I wish I had a do-over. But, this is reality, and I don't. I'm not asking you to agree with me. I'm not asking you to like me. I'm not even asking for you to forgive me. I am just asking for you to see it from my side."

"I don't know how to do this."

"Would we even be having this conversation, if it wasn't your baby? Would you be so angry with my decision, if it wasn't yours?"

"Are you saying that it's not?"

"I am just asking."

He shrugs, "I think that you're making a selfish choice. We made a mistake, and we have to deal with the consequences."

"Deal with the consequences? A child should not be considered a consequence. I wish that you could understand."

"Understand what, Jane?"

"I want him to have two parents who love him, and want him. Two parents who are willing to give up, anything, for him. I am not there, not yet, probably not ever."

"I am. If you don't want to be along for the ride, then that is fine. I will do this on my own."

"I do not want you to do this."

"How are you going to stop me? I will never agree to an adoption."

"When did you become such a jerk?"

"I'm a jerk? For wanting my child?" He shakes his head, and leaves the room. A few moments later Angela returns to the room. She takes a seat in the chair next to Jane's bed.

"Ma?"

"Hm?"

"Have you been talking to Frost?"

"Why? What did he say?"

"Have you?"

"So what if I have? It's not a crime."

"Why would you talk to him?"

"He wants to keep the baby."

"I know that. I am your daughter, you are supposed to support my decisions."

"You want to give my grandchild away. He wants to keep the baby. I told him that I would watch the baby, while he is at work. I want be involved in my grandchild's life, if I can be."

"What is dad going to say? When you start watching a baby all the time? What are you going to tell him?"

"The truth, maybe you should try it."

"Have you told him?"

"No, he doesn't know."

"You haven't told him?"

"Jane that is not my place. You should tell him. It is your secret to tell. I don't understand why it's a secret, but..."


	16. Surrogate

4 weeks later:

She sits in the room, waiting on the doctor. Her mother sits in a chair, in the corner of the room. Jane stares at her burgeoning belly. She shakes her head. Over the past month she had practically been force fed, every day, by her mother. The only relief she had was when her mother was asleep. She would sneak out, and go for a walk, before heading to bed. She knew that it was against the rules, but she was going stir crazy.

The doctor comes in, and does his exam. He does an ultrasound, and a pelvic exam. Angela watches from the corner. She sniffles, trying not to cry. Jane rolls her eyes. She wipes the gel off her stomach with a tissue, and pulls down her shirt. She looks at the doctor, waiting for the magic words. He looks at her with a smile.

"Any questions, Jane?"

"Can I go back to work, now?"

"If you're ok with desk duty."

"Desk duty? I am not a good paper pusher. I..."

"Desk duty, or nothing," he tells her.

"I guess I could embrace desk duty," she sighs, in defeat.

"Good."

"So when can I go back?"

"As soon as you'd like."

"Can I go today? I mean it's early and..." she grows more excited with each word.

"If you see fit."

"Great."

The car ride back to the apartment is silent. When Jane pulls into her parking space, Angela just looks at her.

"What?"

"Jane, are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm ready to go back to work. I don't like being cooped up."

"You do realize that you can't wear that to work," Angela points to Jane's attire. Jane looks down, a jacket, with a men's t-shirt underneath. The ensemble is completed by a pair of yoga pants, and running sneakers. Her hair is pulled into a high ponytail. She looks at herself in the mirror, and then to her mother.

"Obviously."

"And you do realize that you're going to have to tell people, right?"

"Tell people? You're kidding right?"

"There is no way you are going to hide that," Angela points to her stomach.

"I am fully aware of that. I am not going to say a word."

"What is your plan, exactly?"

"To let them figure out on their own."

"That won't be hard."

"I know. I look like a house. All I've done for the past month is have you feed me."

"You should eat, before you go."

"I already ate breakfast."

"You should eat again."

"Ma, it's only nine thirty."

"Fine, be that way."

All eyes are on her, as she gets off the elevator, and makes her way into the squad room. Jaws drop, as she walks past. She takes a seat at her desk. She sighs in relief. She looks around the room, and realizes that everyone is looking at her.

"What?"

Most of them turn, and pretend that they are doing something else. One maintains eye contact. Vince Korsak shakes his head, and moves towards her desk.

"So the rumors are true."

"What rumors?"

"That you're pregnant."

She looks down, at her stomach, then back up at him, "Nice detective work, Vince."

"There have been a lot of rumors flying around here, about you, lately."

"I'm sure that none of them are true."

"Do you want to hear what they are?"

"Nope."

"Is there a reason that you hid this? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to know."

"Because?"

"I'm not keeping it," she answers.

Frost walks over, and intercepts Vince's question.

"Not, keeping it? What do you mean?" Vince wonders.

"It's not her baby. She's a surrogate, for another couple."

"What?" Vince wears a look of disgust, "Why would you want to do that?"

"On a cops salary?" Frost questions.

Vince looks at Rizzoli, "What does that mean?"

"I needed some extra money. I'm going to double my salary this year," Jane lies.

"But you have to have a baby?"

"I get to have it, and give it to someone else. That is the beauty of it."

"You'll have stretch marks," Vince comments.

"No, I won't," she argues.

He walks away from the desk, "A surrogate," he mutters to himself, as he heads back to his own desk.

Her phone rings. Frost walks away. He goes across the room, to his desk. As she reaches for the phone the thought occurs to her that she hasn't seen him smile, in six months. She missed his smile. She missed him. He was a good partner. He was a good man. A good looking one, too. A voice interrupts her train of thought.

"Pregnancy make you deaf, Rizzoli?" Vince questions from his desk.

She looks at the phone, and pulls it to her ear. "Hello? Yes, I'm here. At my desk. Ok. Yes, Maura, I'll be right down. Bye," she hangs up.

She slips her phone into her pocket, and gets up from her desk. She heads to the elevator. She rides it to the morgue. She gets off, and heads into autopsy. She finds Maura putting a body in the cooler.

"So how did your appointment go?"

"Fine."

"Just fine? How is the baby?"

"He's fine."

"How are you?"

"A little disgruntled."

"And why is that?"

"Two words. Desk duty."

"That is better than bed rest."

"Not much."

"At least you're allowed to work. How are you feeling?"

Jane looks at Maura. _Is that a serious question_?, her glare asks.

"Are you going to answer?" Maura wonders.

"How does it look like I feel?"

"I don't know," Maura shrugs.

"I feel fat. My mother thinks that I am a science experiment."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"She feeds me six times a day."

"I'm sure that..."

"She's crazy," Jane finishes the thought.

"She is just trying to look out for you."

"She doesn't need to. I am as big as a house. The doctor said that if she continues to feed me that the baby will be sixteen pounds when he's born."

"He did not say that."

"He might as well have, because it's true."

"I doubt that."


	17. Fast As Lightening

The next several weeks fly by. Before she knows it, Jane's due date has come, and gone. She makes her way down to autopsy. Maura looks up from the body she's working on.

"What are you down here for?"

"It's cooler down here. It is like nine billion degrees up there."

"Why are you still working?"

"I am working until he decides to get here."

"You were due three days ago."

"Tell him. I know that. He refuses to come out. I have tried everything."

"And?"

"Nothing. I thought that he would come early. Especially after having contractions so early on."

"But he's not here yet."

"I am ready to get this over with."

"Are you sure about letting Frost take him?"

"No, but it is the only choice that I have," she grits her teeth.

"So what is his excuse?"

"He told everyone that he is going on vacation to Hawaii for two weeks."

"They bought it?"

"I guess."

"When are you planning on coming back to work?" Maura quizzes.

"As soon as I can. A week or so after he gets here."

"Jane I don't think that is a good idea," Maura warns.

"The captain told me that I have to be on desk duty for two weeks."

"Like you ever listen to him."

"I don't have much of a choice. I am trying to get back into his good graces," Jane admits.

"Did you pass your firearms proficiency?"

"Yes, of course I did."

"When is your next doctor's appointment?"

"Tomorrow. I am hoping to be induced."

"That can be a long process."

"This whole ordeal has been a long process. I am ready to get him out of me."

"Has Frost chosen a name?"

"I don't know. Ask my mother, she would know," Jane huffs.

"You haven't spoken to him?"

"Nope," she shakes her head.

"Is he going to be in the delivery room?"

"That is up to him."

"You don't care?"

"It is his kid."

"It's your kid, too."

"No, it's not. I am giving up my rights."

"As soon as he's born?"

"Yes."

"Jane?"

"Hm?"

"Do me a favor," Maura begs.

"What's that?"

"Wait a couple of weeks."

"Why? I'm not going change my mind."

"Please, just in case. Just once, listen to me."

"I listen to you all the time."

"Take my advice into consideration. There is no hurry."

"Ok. I'll wait a couple of weeks," she agrees.

"Thank you."

* * *

She finds herself wide awake, that night, as she lies in bed. Realizing that attempting to sleep is futile, she gets up, and goes into the kitchen. She has some milk, and cookies, and situates herself on the couch, in front of the TV. Eventually she drifts off to sleep. When she wakes up she realizes that she's sitting in a puddle. She gets up, and turns on the light. There is a stain on her couch cushion. She realizes that she is having contractions. She makes three phone calls, and drives herself to the hospital. Her mother meets her there.

"What were you thinking? I don't know why you thought that it would be a good idea to drive yourself here."

"Now is not the time," she warns.

She is admitted to the hospital, and situated in her room, by the time Maura, and Frost arrive.

"So?"

"It's going to be a long night, make yourselves comfortable," Jane responds.

"She's only dilated to two centimeters," Angela reveals.

Barry, and Maura sink into seats, by the window. Maura keeps a watchful eye on the monitor. After a few minutes she comments.

"Jane you're contractions seem pretty close together."

"They just get closer and closer together. I didn't think that they would get this close, this fast."

"How long ago did the doctor check you?"

"An hour and a half ago," Jane squeezes the side rails.

"Jane, don't tense up, it makes it worse," Angela warns.

"I'm sorry. It could be your hand."

Maura slips out of the room, she finds a nurse. The nurse reluctantly follows her back into the room.

"Dr. Isles wants me to check your cervix again."

"Is it supposed to hurt this much? This soon?"

"Let's have a look."

Barry looks away, as the nurse checks her progress. All color drains from the nurses face. She looks at Maura. Maura takes a look. The nurse pages the doctor.

"What's going on?" Jane asks.

"You're fully dilated," the nurse admits.

"And I can see the baby's head," Maura adds.

"I haven't been here that long," Jane argues.

"Obviously he's in a hurry to get here," Maura responds.

"Where was his sense of urgency the past few weeks?"

"Do you feel like you need to push?"

"Shouldn't the doctor be in here?" Jane asks.

The nurse looks at Maura. They quickly pull on gowns, and gloves. They adjust the bed.

"Can I push?" Jane grimaces.

The nurse nods, Maura answers aloud, "Go ahead."

The baby's head moves towards them. Three minutes later the doctor walks into the room. He pulls on gloves, and a gown. He takes Maura's place. Jane pushes, and the baby slides into his arms.

He holds the baby up for them to see. He's covered in goo, from head to toe. He has rolls of fat, and a head covered in dark hair. Barry turns, and looks away. The nurse places the baby on Jane's chest. Jane watches carefully. The cord is cut, and the baby is taken to the side of the room, as he squalls.


	18. Landon

Hours later Angela, and Frost stand outside the nursery window, watching the newborn, as he sleeps. Maura stays in Jane's room, with her.

"Jane, you haven't said much."

Jane shifts in bed. She adjusts her gown. She stares at the IV in her arm. She sighs.

"I wish they would take this stupid thing out."

"They will, before you go home," Maura reassure her.

"It won't be soon enough."

"Do you need anything?"

"No," Jane shakes her head.

"You look tired."

"How did you expect me to look? I just gave birth."

"Do you want to see him?"

"I already saw him," she replies coldly.

"Am I upsetting you?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Maybe you should try and get some rest."

"I'm not ready to go to sleep," she admits.

"You've had a long day," Maura reminds her.

"It's not even dark out yet. Besides, I took a four hour nap."

"Ok. You know your body better than I do."

"How much did the baby weigh?"

"Eight pounds fifteen ounces. Twenty two inches. He's a big boy."

"That's why I have a second degree laceration," Jane says in disgust.

"It could always be worse."

"How?"

"It could be third degree, or fourth degree laceration," Maura reveals.

"I guess."

"Jane are you ok with this?"

"With what?"

"The situation."

"I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but I don't have much of a choice. Frost wants to keep him. That is his choice, just like it is my choice not to be part of his life."

"He has a name," Maura tells her.

"I didn't know that Frost had chosen one."

"He did. I'm glad that he went with the one he did. Some of the other names he was considering weren't that great."

"What names?"

"Well, there was Theo Scott, Grant Christopher, Jacob Michael, and Leo William."

"Which one did he pick? They all kind of suck," Jane comments.

"He didn't think that any of them fit. Luckily, he picked something else," Maura smiles.

"If my mother had any input, it is probably best that you don't tell me."

"She didn't think any of the names fit either. She suggested that he take another look at the name book."

"Which I am sure she had handy, with her selections marked."

"Of course, but neither of them considered the name, before."

"Which is what?"

"Landon."

"Landon, what?"

"Just Landon," Maura fibs.

"And he's ok, right?"

"He's perfect," Maura promises.

"That is all I need to know."

"Are you sure that you don't want to see him? He's awfully cute," Maura puts in her two cents.

"I don't want to see him."

Two nights later, she is lying in her own bed. She lies awake, in the darkness. She stares at the clock, and then at the ceiling. She was alone. Empty, and alone. It was just her, and her empty, involuting uterus, here tonight. She listens, and suddenly realizes how quiet her apartment is. She rolls onto her side, and attempts to fall asleep. Eventually sleep finds her.

She wakes up, in a cold sweat. She tries to forget about her dream. About her nightmare. Why did she have to have such vivid dreams? This one was about a screaming baby, that she couldn't find, in time. It was so real. Too real. She needed to stop thinking about him. She tries to think about something else, anything else. His name floats through her head. She sees his slimy, body. She shakes the image from her mind, and directs it elsewhere.

Hours later she is awakened, by a knocking at her door. She gets out of bed, and wanders into the living room. She looks through the peephole, and opens the door. Maura steps into the apartment.

"You look disappointed to see me," Maura comments.

"I guess that I was just expecting someone else."

"Your mother is with Frost, taking care of the baby," Maura reveals.

"I see."

Maura holds up a bag, "But I brought some breakfast," she waves the cup of coffee in front of Jane.

"Is that for me?" Jane wonders.

"Yes."

Jane takes it from her. She takes a big gulp. She runs to the sink, and spits it out. She looks at Maura.

"Has coffee always tasted this bad?"

"I thought it tasted fine."

"Maybe I just need to get used to it again."

"Do you want to go out for a beer later?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"You're not pregnant anymore," Maura points out.

"I'm just not in the mood. Not now."

"Ok, what do you want to do?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I would rather be here with you."

"That's not true."

"Jane, I'm worried about you."

"I am fine. I am a grown woman, and I can take care of myself," Jane replies, stubbornly.

"You don't feel at all upset that your mother isn't here right now?"

"No," she lies.

"You're lying."

"I understand."

"That doesn't mean that you like it."

"I never said that I liked it. I don't. I am selfish. I wish that she was here with me."

"But she's not. She's over there."

"Why does this have to be so hard? Why do I have to be the bad guy? Why does it feel like I am tearing everyone apart?"

"Jane I can't answer that," Maura reminds her.

"I just wish that I could take this all back."

"I know."

"Have you seen him?"

"Who? Frost?"

"The baby."

"I was at the hospital," Maura reminds her.

"Since he went home."

"I stopped by this morning, for a minute. They were concerned that he looked jaundice, but he didn't. He sees the pediatrician tomorrow, so I don't think that it is anything to worry about."

"I see."

"Anyway, enough about the baby. How are you feeling?" she changes the subject, realizing that she's making Jane uncomfortable, by talking about the baby.

"I just want to feel well enough to go back to work."

"You want to go back to work, already?"

"I love my job."

"I think that you want to go back to work, so you can avoid thinking about your feelings."

"Feelings? What feelings? I don't have any feelings."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," Jane lies.


	19. Too Soon

Maura stares at the baby, in her arms. She never really cared much for babies, but this one was different. He was too cute not to like. From his chubby cheeks, to the dark waves of hair, and big brown eyes. Then there were the dimples, and tiny little nose. She knew Jane wouldn't approve. She knew that Jane wouldn't want to hear how the baby looked like her. He had her dimples, and her lips. He even had her appetite. Angela approaches, and Maura places the baby in her arms.

Frost kisses the baby on the cheek, and heads out the door, for work. This was his first day back, and every minute seemed harder than before. Angela sits in the rocking chair, in the baby's nursery. She stares at her sleeping grandson. He wears a blue sleeper. His fists are curled into balls, as he sleeps. He reminded her of Jane. The dimples, and the perfectly symmetrical lips. She loved everything about the baby boy. She especially love the dark waves, of hair.

She sinks into her chair, at her desk. She prays that no one asks her any questions. She hopes that there is a case to take them all out of the office. She hears a familiar set of footsteps. She looks up, and finds Vince walking in. He offers a smile, and approaches her desk.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"You look tired."

"I'm fine," she insists.

"Everything went well?"

"Yup."

"And the baby?"

"From what I hear, he's perfect."

"The parents are happy?"

"Yep. They got what they wanted, a healthy baby."

"And you got what you wanted."

"Huh?"

"The money."

"Right," she nods.

"So what did he look like?"

"Like a baby. I just saw him, for a minute."

"They didn't let you hold him?"

"I didn't want to."

"So are you ready to get back to work?"

"Yeah," she nods.

Barry comes into the squad room. She makes eye contact, for a brief second, and then turns to her computer screen.

Hours later she finds herself in autopsy. Maura looks up from her computer.

"What are you doing down here?"

"I just thought that I would come see what you were doing."

"Oh. Do you want to go to lunch?"

"No, not really."

"Is there something on your mind?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"I don't know. You look like you're on the verge of tears."

"Am not," she argues.

"Really?"

"I am still hormonal, it is allowed."

"Yes, it is," Maura agrees.

Jane sinks onto the stool next to Maura. She shakes her head.

"Jane, are you ok?"

Jane doesn't answer. She begins to cry. Maura touches her shoulder, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think that I came back too soon. This is all too fresh. I can't look at Frost. Not right now."

"Ok, why don't I take you home?"

"I don't need you to take me home."

"Please?"

"I can take myself."

"I would feel better, if you let me take you. Ok?"

"Ok?" Jane nods, and sniffles.

They're halfway to Jane's apartment, when she breaks the silence. She continues to stare out the window, as she speaks.

"I just keep looking at the ultrasound pictures."

"Uh huh?"

"I..."

"You what?"

"I," she swallows hard, "I want to see him. Do you think that is wrong?"

"No. You're his mother. It isn't wrong to want to see him."

"I don't want to get attached."

"Would you like me to take you to see him?"

She nods.

Ten minutes later they arrive at Frost's house. Angela opens the door. She ushers them in. Maura leads Jane to the nursery. She stops in the doorway. She points to the crib, against the wall.

"There he is," she walks away.

Jane moves over to the crib. She peers inside. She just stares at the sleeping baby. He sleeps peacefully. She watches at his chest rises and falls. He was beautiful. More than beautiful, perfect. She stands over the crib, in silence. She is so focused on her thoughts, and the baby lying in front of her, that she doesn't hear the footsteps coming towards her. Angela walks into the room. She touches Jane's shoulder.

"You know, you can hold him, if you want," Angela tells her.

Jane looks at the innocent baby. She stares at his chubby, angelic face. She turns, and looks at her mother. She shakes her head, "No, I shouldn't be here." She walks out of the room. She walks past Maura, in the living room. She heads out the door, and goes to the car.

"I guess we're going now," Maura comments.

The ride to Jane's apartment is mostly silent. As Maura pulls up to the curb she asks.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No," Jane replies coldly, and gets out of the car.

"If..." Maura begins.

Jane slams the car door, before Maura can finish her statement.


	20. Monster Of Me

She gets out of the shower, and pulls on some pajamas. She ignores her wet hair, and goes straight to bed. She crawls under the covers. She curls into a ball. The silence surrounds her, and she knows that sleep probably won't come, tonight. She clenches her jaws, in an effort to fight off the tears. They come anyway. She cries until her pillow is soaked. She tries to stop, she had to be strong. She was stronger than this. She tries to shake off the empty feeling, but she can't. Instead she closes her eyes, hoping that she might fall asleep.

She sees a tiny face. His name, his face, his smell, it's all she can seem to think about. She tries to ignore her feelings. She tries to convince herself that she wants nothing to do with him. That it is too late to change her mind, not. It would be wrong say she wanted him. She didn't. She never wanted this. She wanted it all to go away. She never wanted to think about it again. That, was proving to be impossible, because it seems to be all she can think about. She blinks away tears. She tries to mollify the tempest that is swirling around inside of her. She feels empty, and broken, as she lies alone, in her empty bed, in her quiet apartment. She feels exhausted, and completely drained.

She closes her eyes, hoping that she might get some relief, even if sleep doesn't come. She falls asleep, but with her sleep comes dreams. Not peaceful, happy dreams. Instead she gets nightmares.

_She walks into the alley, with her gun drawn. The sound of crying, nearby catches her attention. She follows the wailing cry to a dumpster. She lifts the lid. She reaches inside, and pulls out the baby. Her baby. He stares up at her. She hears footsteps. She turns around, and finds Barry coming towards her. He takes the baby from her arms. _

_"You threw him away, just like garbage," he looks at her in disgust. "How could you do something like that?"_

_"I..."_

_"You're a terrible person, Jane. What kind of person could just throw their baby away?"_

_Frankie appears before her. He shakes his head. "You really disappoint me, Jane," he reveals, as he puts cuffs on her._

_"I didn't do anything wrong."_

_When she reaches the police cruiser, Maura is leaning against the car. She looks at Jane, and shakes her head, in dissatisfaction._

_"Why didn't you listen to me? I told you that you were doing the wrong thing. Don't you regret it? Don't you feel any remorse at all? You tossed your baby out, like expired food. What kind of a monster are you?"_

She jerks into consciousness. Her sheets are soaked with sweat. Her face is stained with tears. She catches her breath, and looks at the clock. She eyes the phone, on the bedside stand. She considers picking it up, and making a phone call. She looks at the clock again, and it reminds her that it is 248. She sinks back into the bed. The phone begins to ring. She expects it to be work calling her. She answers without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Are you ok?"

"Ma? Why are you calling so late?"

"I'm already up."

"Oh," the words hit Jane like a ton of bricks.

"Are you ok? You had me worried earlier."

"I'm fine."

"Jane don't lie to me. I am your mother, I know when you're lying."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth."

"I am a monster. I have spent my entire career trying to put monsters away, so that they can't hurt anyone else. Now, I've become one."

"Jane..."

"Don't try to argue with me. I am a monster. What kind of person could just discard their baby like garbage? I..."

"Jane, slow down," Angela warns.

"I can't."

"Do you want me to come over there?"

"No you're busy. Besides, what good is that going to do?"

"I don't know. Jane I don't know what to do for you, to make it better."

"You can't make it better."

"What do you want, Jane?"

"You called me."

"Why are you so upset?"

"I gave away my baby. I am a monster. I can't live with that. I..."

"You're not thinking of hurting yourself, are you?"

"Maura would have to do my autopsy, and that wouldn't be fair."

"Jane. Talk to me. What is going on, in your head?"

"I screwed up, big time."

"It isn't too late to fix it."

"That's easy for you to say. You aren't the one who gave your baby away."

"It's not to late to change your mind."

"I am not ready to be someone's parent."

"Go out, and find me someone who is."

"I am no good with children."

"Who are you trying to convince? Me, or you?"

"I wish that I knew."

"What is bothering you? I know that this situation is hard, but what is bothering you?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't sleep, and I just... I want to fix this. I wish that none of this had ever happened."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. I don't want to feel this way. Listen to me, I sound like a pansy. I have been shot in the line of duty. I have shot suspects in the line of duty. And, here I am talking about my feelings. This ridiculous. I feel like I've been shot through the heart, and I have no reason to feel that way. Do I?"

"Jane what is it that you want from me? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that you made the right decision? Do you want me to tell you that you made the wrong decision?"

"I want you to tell me that it's ok."

"That what is ok?"

"The way I'm feeling.""Jane I can't tell you that. I don't know how you're feeling."

"I feel empty."

"I would imagine."

"Would it be wrong, if I wanted to change my mind?"

"No. Is that what you want?"

"I don't really know what I want. I know that I am not entitled to be upset. This was my choice. I made this decision."

"You don't know what you want? I find that hard to believe. From the time you were born, you knew exactly what you wanted. Jane just tell me what you want, and I will do whatever I can, to make it happen."

"I want my baby," she answers, on the verge of tears.


	21. Coming Home

She expects a dead silence on the other end, or a simple _no. _After all, she is not deserving. She does not deserve the option of changing her mind. She gets a different response. Angela responds rather quickly.

"Ok, hold on a minute."

"Hold on?"

"I am not the one you need to talk to, about this. I am not the one who makes that decision. You need to talk to Barry.""Barry? Since when do you call him Barry?"

"Since I spend most of my time at his house."

"He's probably sleeping, I..."

"He's not. He's right here, with the baby," she covers the receiver with her hand, but Jane cans still hear her, as she passes the phone to Frost, "Here, it's Jane," Angela reveals.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry to be calling so late."

"We're all up. What do you need?"

"I... I made a mistake."

"Answering your mother's phone call?"

"No, with everything else."

"I have tried to tell you that."

"Now is not the time for I told you so. That is what I have Maura in my life for."

"Jane what do you want?"

"I want..." she pauses for a moment, working up the courage to finish her statement, "my baby," she reveals.

"I know."

"You know?"

"We can talk about it later."

"Right, you are probably exhausted, and want to go to bed."

"No, that isn't what I meant. I meant, it isn't that important right now. We can wait to have that discussion. Give me a few minutes, and I'll be over, with Landon."

"Just like that? It isn't supposed to be that easy. You are supposed to tell me that I made my decision, and even if it was the wrong one, I have to live with it."

"First of all, I'm a good guy, and second of all, he's your son. Our son. He needs you, as much as you need him."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I thought that I could do this. I don't know why I thought..."

"You were scared, and you refused to let anyone help you. We'll talk about the details later. I'm going to get off the phone, so that I can bring him over."

"Ok," she hangs up.

Twenty five minutes later Angela, and Frost show up, with the baby in tow. Angela carries in the baby, in his carseat. Over her shoulder, is his diaper bag. Barry wheels in his basinet. He wheels it past Jane, to her bedroom. Angela puts the carseat on the coffee table. She grabs the bag, and heads to the kitchen to put the bottles in the fridge. Jane is oblivious to what Barry, and Angela are doing. She sinks onto the couch, focused only on the baby, in front of her. He is eleven days old, and she has never held him. Her own son. She unfastens the restraint, and slips it over his head. She slides the baby out of the car seat. She just stares at him, as he sleeps in her arms.

She looks up, for a moment, only when she feels eyes on her. She finds Barry, and Angela staring at her.

"I have to go to work in the morning," Barry tells her.

"Go," Jane nods.

"I'll stay, with you," Angela promises.

Jane shakes her head. "No, go. We'll be fine."

"Jane, I don't think that's a good idea."I'll call, if I need you," she tells them.

She gets off the couch, and walks past them.

"Where are you going?" Angela calls after her.

"To bed, go home, and do the same," she replies.

They reluctantly leave the apartment. They flip off the lights, and lock the door behind themselves. Jane settles into her bed. She pushes the basinet out of the way. She lies down, and places the baby on her chest. She listens to him, as he sleeps. She pats his back. She feels herself drifting towards a unconscious state. As her eyes close her other senses are heightened. She breathes in his smell. Baby shampoo, and Dreft. Suddenly she doesn't feel so alone, or so empty, anymore. The apartment doesn't seem as quiet.

As she starts to return to consciousness, she gets the feeling that she's not alone. She opens her eyes, and finds that Landon is still asleep on her chest. She looks up, and finds her mother standing next to her bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I am waiting for you to wake up."

"You thought that it was ok to sneak in here, and watch me sleep?"

"I wanted to make sure that you got up to feed him."

"I am up."

"He didn't wake up?"

"No," Jane replies."I'll go get his bottle ready," Angela announces, and heads for the doorway.

Jane sits up in bed. She moves Landon from her chest, into her arms. She kisses forehead.

"Time to wake up," she tells him.

His eyes flutter open. He stares at her. Jane goes over to the basinet, and grabs the bag of stuff that is underneath it. She carefully undresses the baby, and changes his diaper. She puts a fresh onesie on him.

"Jane, what is taking you so long?"

"I'm coming," she answers.

She steps into the kitchen, and tosses the diaper into the trash can. She places the baby in her mother's waiting arms, and washes her hands. She dries her hands off, and turns to look at Angela.

"I'll do it," she insists.

"Jane..."

Jane doesn't say a word. She just stares at the baby. Angela hands her the bottle. Jane heads into the living room. She takes a seat on the couch. She just watches the baby, as he sucks on the bottle. She doesn't say a word when Angela sits down next to her. Angela places a burp rag on Jane's shoulder.

"Jane, talk to me."

"I made the wrong decision," she admits.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want my baby."

"I know."

"Yeah, but now I do too."

She doesn't take her eyes off the baby. Angela doesn't take her eyes off Jane. Jane burps the baby. He finishes his bottle, and she burps him again. She pats him until he falls asleep. Angela takes the baby, for a moment, and swaddles him in a receiving blanket. Jane holds the baby boy in her arms, as he sleeps.

"Do you need me to stay?"

"No. I can handle it."

"Are you sure?"

Jane nods.

"You need to talk to Frost."

"I will," Jane promises.


	22. More

She watches the baby, as he sleeps. He breathes in and out. She feels a sense of relief wash over her. She no longer feels empty. She runs her fingers through Landon's thick dark, waves of hair. He doesn't stir. His pacifier falls out of his mouth. For once in her life she doesn't wonder what's going on at work. She doesn't wonder if they need her at the station. She stares at the baby, her baby, and the rest of the world doesn't seem to matter.

She scrutinizes his angelic face. Some of his features reminded her of Frost, and others of herself. How could she have been so wrong? What had ever made her think that she could give this up, give him up. Her job, is just that, it isn't her entire life. For a long time she had allowed the job to define her as a person. She is a cop. But now there is more. She isn't just a cop. She isn't just Jane Rizzoli. She is Landon's mom.

He begins to squirm. His eyes fly open, and his chin quivers. She looks at the clock. He furrows his brow, and his face turns red.

"Don't cry. You just ate ten minutes ago, and I just changed you."

His facial expression doesn't change. She unwraps him, and places him on her chest. He places the palm of his hand on her chest, as he listens to her heartbeat. He settles down, he falls back to sleep. She lies down on the couch. She stares at him, until she too falls asleep.

A couple of hours later she is awakened by someone nudging her. She hears a familiar voice.

"Hey, wake up," it tells her.

She opens her eyes. She realizes that Landon is asleep on her chest, and she has her hands around him, protectively.

"Let me take him," he offers.

She nods, and allows her former partner to take him from her arms. Landon begins to cry, the instant Frost takes him. He walks into the kitchen, and gets a bottle ready. He returns to the living room, with the bottle. Jane swings her legs onto the floor. Barry takes a seat on the other end.

"How was your day?" she asks.

"Same old, same old. I'm more interested in your day," he admits.

"We ate, and pooped, and napped. And then we ate, and pooped, and napped some more."

"He wasn't fussy?"

"No."

"So, what does this mean?"

"I made a huge mistake. I was scared. I thought that I would... I don't know that I thought, but I was wrong."

"Wrong how?"

"I love him," she admits.

"How do I know that you're not going to change your mind, again?"

"You don't."

"So how is this going to work? You come and see him, when you're not at work?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"How do you want this to work, then?"

"I want him to stay here, with me."

"Jane, I don't know about that."

"I'm his mother."

"You abandoned him. You didn't want him."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want the truth. Why did you do this? Why did you decide that you didn't want him, in the first place?"

"Because I didn't think that I..." she trails off.

"That you would what?"

"That I could ever be a good mother. I just never thought that I was cut out for it."

"And now? You changed your mind?"

"I spent every night, trying to convince myself that I did the right thing. I never could. I ended up crying myself to sleep every night. That is not me. I am not emotional. I do not need anyone. Yet, for some reason, all I could help but feel, was empty. Empty because, for nine months I was pregnant. I had a baby, and when I came home, I was alone. It was just me, and an empty uterus. I need him. I love him."

"It's going to take a while for me to trust you again," he replies frankly.

"I know. I know that we need to work on our issues. We have to figure it out, for him."

Frost looks at the empty bottle, and puts the baby over his shoulder, to burp him. The baby squirms. Jane looks at them.

"You wanna try?"

She takes the baby from him. She puts Landon over her shoulder. Within ten seconds the baby burps. She presses him up against her shoulder, and pats his bottom, until he falls asleep. Barry looks at her, in disbelief.

"What?" she questions.

"That's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

"He cries every time I do anything with him. You're better at it, than I am."

"No I'm not. I do it exactly the same way that you do it."

"Then why doesn't he cry, when you have him?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"He likes you better."

"He knows me better. He's known you for twelve days, he's known me much longer than that."

"Jane?"

"Hm?"

"How are we supposed to raise a baby together?"

"I don't know."

"I acted childishly. I should have been more..."

"I was the one who was a jerk," she responds.

"How is this going to work? We both work, all the time. Who is going to watch him, while we're at work?"

"Who watches him now?"

"Ok, where is he going to stay?"

"With me."

"You have a one bedroom apartment."

"I am well aware of that."

"You should move closer to me."

"Why?"

"So he isn't too far from either of us, at any given time."

"Ok."

"Maybe you should just move in with me."

"Move in with you? That is ridiculous. Why would I do that?"

"Because it is convenient. Because then, he might feel like he has a semi-normal childhood. He should see that we are both there for him, even if we aren't together."

"Frost, you're delusional, if you think we're going to have a happy, storybook family."


	23. Like You

He watches her closely, with the baby. It wasn't fair. She was a natural. She puts him in the basinet, and returns to the living room, dreading the conversation to come. He waits for her, on the couch. He watches her, as she walks back into the room. She smiles, for a brief moment, exposing her dimples. The same dimples that the baby in the other room has. Her dimples, and her lips. She sinks into the couch cushion, on the end, opposite of him.

"He's asleep. I'm not sure how long it will last, but..."

He cuts her off, "Jane, we really need to talk."

"I know."

"Not just about the baby."

She looks at him, in confusion. "Oh?"

"Do you ever wonder how this happened?"

"Every day," she answers quickly.

"How did we end up..."

"Sleeping together? I ask myself the same question, every day."

He swallows hard, "I don't think it was an accident."

"Me getting pregnant?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"What are you talking about?"

"I..." he struggles to find the right words.

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"We weren't that drunk," he begins.

"What is your point? It isn't a crime to..."

He cuts her off, "Neither of us had judgment that was that clouded, at least I didn't."

"I don't understand, what you're trying to tell me."

"It was a good excuse."

"A good excuse?"

"Never mind, you wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"Maybe it's best that you don't move in with me."

"Why? Frost, what is going on?"

"I don't want to convince myself that I can have something, that I can't."

"Have what?"

"Nothing," he lies.

"Tell me."

"Why did you sleep with me? I'm not your type."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm not determined to leave you, at some point."

"Ow, that hurts."

"You know that it's true. You choose men who are unavailable, so that you don't get too attached. If you never get attached, then you can never get hurt. You've built up this wall, so high around yourself, that you have a hard time feeling anything."

"And?"

"You know that I'm not going anywhere. I was your partner. It was complicated, from the beginning. What did you think what going to happen?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"Even if you hadn't gotten pregnant, what did you think was going to happen?"

"I thought maybe you wouldn't remember."

"I wasn't that drunk, and neither were you."

"I hoped that we could put it in the past, and never talk about it again."

"Because you were ashamed that it happened?"

"Because we were partners, and it is complicated."

"Yeah, it is."

"I still can believe that this happened. How did this happen?" she wonders.

"Probably the same way it happens most of the time."

"And how is that?"

"We are old enough to know better, but clearly both of us were using poor judgment that night."

"What do you mean, old enough to know better?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Old enough to know better than to have unprotected sex."

"Oh."

He looks at Jane. "Do you even remember?"

"I remember most of it, but that night is kind of fuzzy, in my mind.""It never should have happened, but..."

"But what?"

"But I wouldn't change the fact that it did."

"You wouldn't? This is a mess. I lied to pretty much everyone. The only other people who know the truth are Maura, and my mother. I ruined our partnership. We're ex-partners, and we have a son together."

"You regret it?"

"I just didn't picture things going this way. I didn't picture this ever happening, especially not this way."

"You thought that you could have the fairytale? Meet prince charming, get married, and have babies?"

"Something like that."

"You're not the only one," he admits.

"You thought you'd find prince charming?" she teases.

"You know what I meant."

"Yeah," she smiles, "I do."

"But that isn't how things worked out," he reminds her.

"No, instead you got me. That is hardly a consolation prize."

"You're not that bad. I mean we did alright, don't you think?"

"No, we have done everything completely wrong. I, mostly have done everything wrong."

"Not everything," he disagrees.

"How do you figure?"

"Because he's healthy."

"Oh, wow, I managed to do one thing right. Never mind that he almost came into the world five months early, because of me."

"But he didn't. He's perfect," Frost smiles.

"Do you really think that?"

"Don't you?"

"I think that he's cute."

"Of course he is, look at his parents. I mean at least we have that in our favor. We could have gotten a U-L-K."

"U-L-K?"

"Ugly looking kid," he answers.

"Everything else is insignificant, because he's handsome?"

"Not everything, but it definitely helps."

"I see."

"He mostly looks like you, though."

"I don't think so."

"I do."

"He has your ears," she points out.

"And he has your lips, and nose," he adds.

"So? He has your dimples."

"Jane, we both have dimples," he points out.

"He's got your personality."

"He's not even two weeks old. I think it is a little bit early to determine his personality."

"He has your eyes," she offers.

"How can you tell?"

"Because they're brown."

"Your eyes are brown too. Besides, his eye color will probably change."


	24. Love Him

"Why didn't you give him a middle name?"

"I did."

"Maura told me that you didn't."

"I did."

"Why did she lie to me about it, then?"

"She probably thought that it was best if you didn't know what it was," he reveals.

"Why? What is his middle name? Something ridiculous, like Moses, or something?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"So then what is his middle name?"

"Maybe it's best if you don't know. Then you can't try to change it."

"Is it that bad?" She wonders.

"No, it's not," he shakes his head.

"Then tell me what it is."

"Rizzoli."

"What?"

"That wasn't a question," he informs her.

"I don't understand," she admits.

"His name is Landon Rizzoli Frost."

"Rizzoli is his middle name?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Jane it's getting late," he points out.

"Right," she nods, "You can crash here, if you want to."

"No, I'm going to go home, and catch up on my sleep, if you don't mind keeping him."

"No, I don't mind."

"Jane?"

"Hm?"

"Are you coming to work tomorrow?"

"No."

"What did you tell the captain?"

"That I need a few more weeks off. I told him that I underestimated the time it would take for me to heal well enough to come back."

"He bought that?"

"It's true."

"Do you want me to stop by, on my way to work, in the morning?"

"No. I am sure that my mother will be here when I wake up, probably before."

"You know that she told your father, right?"

"She did what?"

"He's even seen the baby," Frost reveals.

"She told him? What did he say? I can't imagine that it was nice. My father is..."

"He seemed happy."

"Seemed happy, how?"

"Smiling, and laughing. He even said how much Landon looks like you."

"I'm sure he did."

"He might be a jerk, but he loves Landon."

"If you say so."

"Jane?"

"Yes?"

"You know that eventually, you're going to have to tell the truth."

"I know."

"Because..."

"I have a son."

"We, have a son."

"Are you sure that you don't want to stay?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

"If you want."

"I don't think it's a good idea. I have work in the morning, and I don't want to sleep on the couch."

"Frost, you don't have to sleep on the couch."

"You're going to sleep on the couch?'

"No."

"Ok?"

"We can both sleep in the bed. We're adults."

"Yeah, but...""Frost, we have a son together, I don't think that it is going to hurt anything, if you sleep in my bed."

"Jane..."

"Unless you don't want to."

"I think I should just go home."

"You don't want to get up, at three am, with me?"

"I have been awake at three am, with you, before. It's not pleasant."

"You can get up with Landon."

"I'm going to go home. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," she answers.

He leaves the apartment. She finds herself alone, with Landon. She just holds him in her arms, as he sleeps. She stares at him.

"I think that I've lost my mind," she admits.

Landon doesn't respond.

"What is wrong with me? I just asked him to stay. Why do I want him to stay? It's not as if I have feelings for him. I just... I want the two of us to be here with you, at the same time. All the time. You deserve that. You didn't choose these circumstances. What am I even saying? I..." Landon's eyes pop open. She stares at his big brown eyes. "I love you."

He stares back at her. "And, I guess that it's possible, that I just want what's best for you, right? I never thought that I would feel this way, about anyone. I guess that I thought this wasn't for me. I have never been very maternal. You know that, I tried to abandon you. Tried, no, not tried, I did. I'm sorry."

He stares up at her, with his big eyes. He blinks, too tired to fight it any longer. His eyelids droop, as if they're as heavy as sheets of lead. Finally his eyes close, and he falls back to sleep, to the sound of her voice. She kisses his cheeks. She lies down on the couch. She places him on her chest, to sleep.

"And, I guess that it's possible, that I might love him, too," she admits, just before joining Landon, for a nap.


	25. I Try

She wakes up, disoriented to her surroundings. She looks around the room. This is not her bedroom. She exhales, and feels the body, in the bed, next to her. She rolls over, and looks at him. She is instantly reminded where she is. She sits up, in the bed, hearing the cries. She tosses the bed clothes back. She swings her feet over the edge. She wears a baggy t-shirt, and a pair of shorts. She heads for the door. She walks into the hallway. She walks past the bathroom, and down the hall. She stops at the next door, on her left. The door is open, so she steps in. She flips on the light.

She stops, at the edge of the crib. She looks in the crib, at the fussy baby. His eyes are wide awake. He wears a dinosaur sleeper. She smiles at him.

"Good morning, Landon."

He puts on a sleepy grin, that cause his chubby cheeks to reveal his big dimples. She reaches into the crib, and pulls him out. She puts the eight month old baby over her shoulder. She carries him into the kitchen. She opens the refrigerator, and pulls out a bottle. She warms it up, and then makes her way into the living room, with the baby. She takes a seat on the cold leather couch, and flips on the five o'clock news. She listens to the news, as she watches him.

He drinks his bottle, like a pro. He stares up at her, with big brown eyes. She stares at his long eye lashes, and rubs her fingers through his thick, dark hair. She doesn't look up, when she hears footsteps coming towards her. She just stares at Landon.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Frost yawns.

"What are you having?"

He yawns, and open the fridge. "Eggs."

"That's fine," she agrees.

"You just get up?" he asks.

"About ten minutes ago," she reveals.

"Is he being cranky this morning?"

"No. Of course not, he's never cranky with me."

"Why is that?"

"He likes me better," Jane argues.

"This place is so quiet. I'm still not used to it," Frost admits, as he cracks his eggs.

"I'm still not used to living with anyone."

"Or sharing a bed," he adds.

"Are you going to accuse me of being a bed hog, again?"

"No, you just hogged all of the covers, last night."

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to sharing my bed, or my house."

"Your bed, or your house?'

"Our bed," she corrects.

"And whose house?"

"Ours," she grumbles.

"You're not used to sharing, at all."

"At least I don't have to share the bathroom."

"That's because I'm a nice guy, and you're always in there too long."

"I spend less time in the bathroom, than you do," she argues.

"Are we going to start this, again?"

"No," she shakes her head.

As Barry finishes making breakfast, Jane returns Landon to his room. She changes his diaper, and puts him in clean clothes. She places him back into his crib, where she expects him to fall back asleep. She makes a beeline for the kitchen.

She sits down, at the kitchen table, across from Frost. She eats the eggs, on the plate in front of her, as he reads the paper, in his boxers. She takes a gulp of her juice.

"Why is it that you never wear a shirt to bed?"

"I wouldn't complain if you went to bed, without a shirt," he argues.

"You're ridiculous."

"Me, you're the one who always wants to argue."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, "This is all new to me."

"New? Jane we've been working at this for months."

"I know."

"I understand, though. I haven't gotten used to it yet, either," he admits.

"I haven't had to share a house, since I left home, at eighteen."

"Neither have I."

"And, yet, here we are. We've been in this place for five months now."

"I think that it's time to move on," he admits.

"You do? I thought that you loved this apartment."

"Two bedrooms, and two bathrooms is nice, but I think that it would be nicer, if we had a house."

"And a backyard," Jane adds.

"Maybe if we get a bigger place, we could expand the family."

"Whoa! Back up. Where did that come from? I'm not ready for another baby. I don't even know if I want another kid. I mean, he's only eight months old, and..."

"Jane, I meant a dog. I know that you're not ready for another kid. We just got married two months ago. Neither of us are ready for another baby, right now. We're still figuring out how this is supposed to work, with the three of us."

"You, know it's still weird, for me.""That we have a baby?"

"No, I've finally gotten used to that."

"That we're married?"

"Yes. I still don't believe it."

"Because you never thought that it would happen. You never thought that you'd marry anyone."

"Especially you," she admits.

"When did you know?"

"When did I know, what?"

"That you loved me?"

"I don't know, when did you know?" she counters.

"I asked you first," he reminds her.

_6 1/2 months earlier- She finds herself, standing in front of Frost's place. She's exhausted, after her first day back at work. Frost has taken the day off, to stay with Landon. She turns the knob, and heads in. The living room is a disaster. The coffee table is full of empty bottles. The couch has clean laundry all over it. She carries the bottles into the kitchen, and sits them in the sink. She washes her hands, and heads towards the bedroom. She stops when she reaches the doorway._

_Frost sits in a rocking chair, rocking their son. An empty bottle sits on the table, next to them. Barry holds the sleepy baby in his arms. _


End file.
